DPSS, GR and *The System*

Here's an example of what happens in the Los Angeles, California, DPSS GR/Food Stamp System:

I return from an MRI appointment today -- it's taken 3 and 1/2 months to get that appointment.
Good.

There, in my mail slot, is a letter from the Department of Public Social Services.
Okay.

The form is telling me my General Relief will be discontinued effective 07/31/2010 because I did not correctly sign and/or date an annual agreement.

Nifty.

Place a call to the case worker, and with great luck manage to get through to her. Ask her why my GR is going to be cut off, when I met with her in early June to fill out the agreement (ABP 898-16). The meeting took nearly an hour and many pages were gone through.

Her response to me, "I haven't had time to file it."

My query, "We met, the paperwork is signed by me."

Her response, "Well, you've got to understand, I have lots of cases that got cut off earlier this month and I have to help them. Then I can come back to yours -- maybe by the end of the month."

She continued with "You can probably call me back on the 26th to see if it went through. You do understand that don't you? Others (her inference with tone and unstated - was that the others are, of course, more important than me) are ahead of you."

My statement to her, "No, I don't. And I'm scared. Who can I talk to?"

She continued, "You can talk to a supervisor, but they won't get the paper work done, that has to be done by me."

I said, "Do you understand how scary this is? I'm nearly homeless now -- August is the month I have to leave my room and face the streets, and you're telling me I cannot count on the $221 I get from GR on the 3rd because you don't have time to file my paperwork?"

She shared with me she could call me if she still has my phone number, which she then verified. I said, thank you and hung up.

What I do understand is that when I told her I was scared and wanted someone to talk to, her attitude shifted from a friendly voice to a defensive voice.

I can understand that, with her apparent overload of cases and a 2-hour time span during the day when people can actually reach her on the telephone she must run into many conversations that are unpleasant.

However, I cannot understand her asking me to face the uncertainty of not having any GR/Food Stamps on the 3rd of August, which is the only way I'll have any hope of having food and sustenance to see me through August.

So, I place a call to the free legal advice telephone number given at the bottom of the form -- fortunately, it's an 800#. It's 12:30pm, on Wednesday afternoon. The answering message indicates the office is open from 9-5 Monday-Friday and that if I want to speak with an operator I have to call back during office hours. Disbelieving what I'm hearing I call back again. Get the same message.

Call me freaky ... but, isn't 12:30 pm during the time of 9-5? So, maybe it's lunchtime? Who knows ... but it's certainly not on the Neighborhood Legal Services of Los Angeles County's message. So, I guess I'll try that 800# again later this afternoon.

Following my belief that there is always choice ... how can I choose to use this to reach my goals?

I've got to admit I'm a bit lost on that one, anger is the first thing that crops up; feeling like a victim is the second thing I am aware of.

It's gonna take me some moments to meditate on this one to see what I can do. In the meantime, I'm exercising my right hand and typing it out here in my blog so I can at least refer back to it without forgetting what happened.

Too cute! This must be passed on!

This is from a blog called Ramblings from a Blue Dot.

It's cute, I laugh and I want to share it with you. Go visit Ramblings from a Blue Dot it was posted on 2010/April 25 -- tell them you like if (if you do).

The Great Turning

My introduction to this phrase began today when I came across another blog.

It was coined by Joanna Macy, Buddhist scholar, systems theorist, author, and eco-activist, as she imagined, “future generations, if there is a livable world for them, will look back at the epochal transition we are making to a life-sustaining society. And they may well call this the time of the Great Turning.” (from thegreatturningfilm.org)

I've got to tell ya, I am hooked by creating a life-sustaining society -- more so I'm hooked by creating a life-sustaining individual.  There's no mincing of words when I say I'd like me to be a life-sustaining individual.  That is something I connect with in all ages of my life.  I feel a spark with the term eco-philosopher.



I rally to Joanna's comments on her website "Joanna on Uncertainty at Bioneers Conference". Choose to listen to it, choose to recognize anything you might or might not resonate with.

In fact here is the talk:

Joanna Macy at Bioneers 2009 from Defend theCommons on Vimeo.

It's something I'm going to explore. At this moment in time I think it's something worth looking at and being aware of.

Have the courage to feel.
Give a damn.

Remembering Matters

This post is so much more eloquent then anything I can put into words at the moment.

Take a moment of your time, choose to read through it. Choose to note your feelings and responses.

Then consider if there's something you want to take action on. Choose to do something small, something that might build into something large.

Remembering Matters - My Old Cat

Choice is taking action on awareness.

My personal thanks Judith Shapiro for your thoughts ... I appreciated reading them.

It all comes out in the end

Do you believe one person doing something can make a difference?
Do you believe that by doing something you can make a difference?
Do you believe *you* can accomplish?

Image of the earth droplet from Oceanflynn, CC 2.0

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.

Take today for instance -- I had a thrilling moment when I realized that choices I have been making in the foods I eat and what I drink are having an effect on my bodily functions.

After a moment of elation, I found my mental attitude switching.

Seems I could only handle a moment or two of feeling elated, and "Look!  I did it!".  Nearly immediately, I started berating myself for the fact at the moment I cannot seem to provide space for myself and my dreams to live; nor financial security.

Found myself questioning -- "what good does it do to have made this impact on my bodily functions when I can't make the same impact on the rest of my life?"

These instances happen to me, as I look back on it, often-- this denial of the fact that I can make a difference, I can accomplish.

For whatever reason, I tend to push back, or bury the moments of elation. Either the incident is *buried by guilt for having something good*, *too small to be acknowledged*, *a fluke*, *just a small thing that I can't repeat in my big life issues*, or (insert your own reason/excuse here). The fact is I often have taken a moment of 'I can' and instead focused on 'I can't'.

To counter that, at this moment in time, I choose to honor the questions to my self:

• What if I can make a difference?
• What if I can accomplish?
• What if I don't have to choose to denigrate small accomplishments because I don't think I've successfully accomplished bigger things?
• What if my accomplishment isn't of great importance to anyone else, but it is important to me?

Okay, here goes ...


My small accomplishment: over the course of the last 7 days, by paying attention to what I choose to eat, what I feel drawn to at the store, how my body feels, and choosing to be patient with myself: I have had an effect on both the amount of energy I feel and can face the day with; and, a difference in the material (and the ease with which) I excrete.

Yah, I can hear some of you laughing at me ... go find another blog to read. Or better yet, remember a quote from Marian Wright Edelman

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee."

For those of you laughing with me ... you can make a difference, you can accomplish. The size of the accomplishment matters not, it may be a first small accomplishment or the next step in a series of small accomplishments that brings about a larger effect. It's still an accomplishment and worthy of your awareness.

The Moment

Being in the moment.  That's what life is about.

It's been a long, hard haul to come up with that belief.  Nearly a full 56 years worth of haul.  Quite frankly, it needn't have been that long.  I'll leave rhapsodizing on that for another entry, though.

I just woke up with the phrase.  It is a portion of the answer to one of my most important questions in life -- what is the meaning of life?  (Personally, previous to this I had always latched onto "42" as being the answer to that question.)

Being in the moment.  That's what life is about.

With all the dichotomies; all the things that don't make sense; all the idiocies; all the atrocities -- all the crap I've observed -- being alive has never made any sense to me.

Quite frankly, it still doesn't in many ways, yet I now feel that sense of knowing ... that moment many of us seek -- a feeling of security in oneself; a feeling of freedom; a feeling of knowing myself.  Concomitantly,  my *purpose for being here* has been resolved in my mind.

A flash of insight.  An epiphany. A moment of being in the flow. Whatever you want to call it.

Being in the moment is where I feel powerful, whole, balanced and harmonious.

Feeling and sensing are integral to being in the moment.

I haven't managed being in the moment often.  It's been trained out of me.  However, the one thing I -- and you -- always have is choice.

Choice, that's a big deal.  One of the things you can do with it is choose to be here, now.

The only way to be in the moment is to choose to do so.

Have you ever truly walked to the beat of your own drummer?

Some Thoughts on "The System"

I sent the following out to a few of my friends, if you feel like responding to it, please do:

I hope things are going well for you and your family, and if they are not, I hope they turn into situations that broker extremely well for you.

I'm actually feeling almost human at the moment, so I'm writing down my thoughts. Typing is very difficult because it's one-handed due to my left hand/arm situation, the days of my typing 110 words a minute are long gone. If I don't sound coherent please let me know ... at this point I'm beginning to wonder if I'm becoming a mental case.

I am totally astounded at the way I have been treated, not only in the public health system, but by the agency of DPSS.

The poor and the destitute are being treated like cattle and mindless beings in our "system".

I am being treated this way, I guarantee you others are as well -- others who have less of a voice than I do. At this moment, I assure you, I feel as if I have no voice at all.

I have been told things like:

"you don't fit neatly into any of our categories"

(with the inference that I don't qualify for assistance, or that my assistance may be taken away).

"If you're not suicidal, not a violent menace to others, or have a substance addiction, you cannot get mental health treatment -- unless you get insurance or pay upfront for it -- our facilities only treat with medications to keep people from hurting themselves or others"

(this in response to a request to be allowed counseling for the loss of the use of my arm and other mental anguish at not being a viable person due to being in the GR/food stamp system)

"if you had insurance and cash you could be seen within a week for your arm"

this from a doctor at the free clinic less than a week ago, when I've been put on hold for nearly 3 months to have an MRI because I'm a GR recipient.

"there's physical therapy that could be recommended, but you have to pay for it"

(this from a different doctor about two months back who is no longer with the same free clinic).

"well, if you had insurance we could recommend you for physical therapy for your arm, but we can't"

this by a doctor at a different free clinic when I first started seeking help some months back regarding my arm.

I am continually told that nothing can be done about my impending homeless situation, until I am actually homeless and on the streets. This is the same spiel I have been fed for the many months I have been dealing with this situation.

Some of the "professionals" I'm dealing seem to be as overwhelmed or nearly as overwhelmed as the people (like me) they are supposed to be helping.

The request to get me reviewed as disabled with SSI/Federal Disability was quoted as being a 120-day process and upon following up on it 60 days later, that quote has now been changed to a "many, many months to many years process". It was implied that I should feel sorry for the system because it and the people working in it have been so affected by cut-backs.

Really?

I should feel sorry for the system that is supposedly there to help me? The system that is supposedly there to dole out compassion and assistance to me -- and I ought to feel sorry for it and the people involved in it?

There's something truly wrong with this picture.

Requests for mental and physical help are continually denied with the reason that I don't have insurance or cash to pay for the assistance needed and that public health can only do so much.

It has been stated to me by a doctor in the system that I have to be convincing because if I don't fit a textbook case I'm faking.

I feel appalled, hopeless and like a victim -- often. Can you imagine what people who may be less educated in the ways of words, or less aware of other venues available, are feeling as they are ensnared by this public welfare/health system?

I am also astounded by the people who work within the system who seem to feel defeated by it.

A number of people I have dealt with speak and act with an apologetic demeanor as they deliver what appear to be rote responses to me.

Something needs to be done about this treatment -- if the people of the system are treating one person this way, they are treating others this way.

At the moment I'm not certain what can be done.

There is a dichotomy in what the middle-class person thinks public welfare/health is and what it actually is. When I take the opportunity to speak with others outside the system, I am treated to responses like "I can't believe they did/said that"; "you need an advocate"; "well try here".

There seems to be an apparent belief that the way I am being treated *must* be a fluke.

It's not a fluke.

I don't know that the public welfare/health system works even for anyone who supposedly "fits into the categories". Since I know you to have been an activist in the past -- and I'm not asking you to act for me -- I'm simply asking for resources, do you have any suggestions on what activist steps I might take?

Let me re-assure you, if you have no thoughts on the subject, I can understand. Thanks for listening.

A List of Books I find Memorable

What we value -- have you ever thought that what we value is, itself, a form of communication?

We are always communicating something, I said that outloud when I was way young.

No one liked it then, in fact, I was severely reprimanded for saying it. Even as I look back on that today, I don't understand why I was chastized to the point of never saying it aloud again...

... to me it's an obvious truth, we are always communicating.

Many people either are not aware of, or have forgotten that communication is not simply a series of words coming out of your mouth or your keyboard.

Communication is a huge issue for me, and I'll be typing up articles revolving around it often.

We communicate in myriad ways -- from sounds to movement; from the way we choose to present ourselves in adornment to the way we choose to entertain ourselves; from the mundane to the mystical.

Yet many of the people in the civilization I live in often fool themselves that communication is only done by words.

None of us values exactly the same thing in exactly the same way, though often we find ties to those around us who place value, in their own way, on the same thing.

What we consider to have value changes as we change, so a list like the one I'm making now could be the same or different at any given moment.

These are some books I find of value:

• "Stand Back," Said The Elephant, "I'm Going To Sneeze"
  by Patricia Thomas, Illustrated by Wallace Tripp
  A wonderful children's or adult's book -- share it with a friend!
• The Jester Has Lost His Jingle
  Story and Pictures by David Saltzman, With an Afterword by Maurice Sendak
  One of my most cherished reads for children and adults on laughter
• Howl's Moving Castle
  by Diana Wynne Jones
  The book is definitely not the same as the animated motion picture, I was introduced to the book by the picture, both have merit and I enjoyed the anime, but the book I have read and re-read hundreds and hundreds of times.
• Cell-Level Healing - The Bridge from Soul to Cell
  by Joyce Whiteley Hawkes, Ph.D.
  page 95, Meditation Using the Universal Spiral Archetype and Cell Basics
• The Fine Arts of Relaxation, Concentration and Meditation
  by Joel & Michelle Levey
  page 38, item 16 - The Inner Smile
• Dr. Pitcairn's Complete Guide to Natural Health for Dogs & Cats
  by Ricahrd H. Pitcairn, DVM, PHD, and Susan Hubble Pitcairn
• Simple Courtesies, How to be a kind person in a rude world
  by Janet Gallant
• Stirring the Waters, Writing to Find Your Spirit
  by Janell Moon
• Learn to Relax, A Practical Guide to Easing Tension & Conquering Stress
  by Mike George
• Renew Your Life, Improved Digestion and Detoxification
  by Brenda Watson, N.D., C.T. with Susan Stockton, M.A.
  Lots of great pictures and info
• Skin Deep, A Mind/Body Program for Healthy Skin
  by Ted A. Grossbart, Ph.D. and Carl Sherman, Ph.D.