Lost Awareness

THANK YOU skip1.org and Shelene Bryan

2012-02-02T07:56:00.000-08:00

All right ... I wanted to have a lot more done for today. It's not gonna happen. This is a time when I truly wish I had already transformed the danged CFS symptoms that have made a visit to my life.

Today is a very special day for me.

For a number of reasons.

It's Groundhog Day.
It's a seasonal day of celebration for a number of disciplines and belief systems.

As a Shaman this day is the time in the season cycles of the known world where I celebrate the hidden potentialities that are transformed into the visible.

A youngster in me celebrates "National Baby Clam Day" which I always declare on 2/2. You have to have grokked BC or was it Pogo (dang I cannot remember which one it is right now) in the days of newspaper daily black and white and Sunday colorful comics.

And a huge reason I wanted to have accomplished more for today (ie. the re-vamping of my website -- not yet accomplished to include my current goals and endeavors; a homemade graphic, video and spoken word piece that haven't yet manifested) is to say the THANK YOU I am using this blogpost for.
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What's in a Title?

2012-01-31T08:35:00.000-08:00

My calling card

I have searched for 14 months for the means in which I may contribute to making things visible and feel whole, creative and balanced while doing it.

It’s been an interesting road.

When I first started volunteering for Mark Horvath — the founder of InvisiblePeople.tv and WeAreVisible.com, he told me I could pick whatever title I wanted just as long as it didn't have the word "dragon". He knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would choose something with Dragon in it 'cuz they are my kindred -- yes, sometimes I live in what you may perceive as a fantasy world. ::smile::

What freedom! What joy! What … oh my stars and garters, what confusion!

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Brainstorm! Wanna help?

2011-12-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

I am beyond impressed.

Apply this man’s speech to homelessness. Apply it to anything you advocate for. Go ahead, substitute the phrase that evokes passion in you for the phrases Patch Adams uses that describe his visions — can you hear it?

What is your ideal practice?

In sore need of encouragement today I came across this YouTube clip moments ago on www.patchadams.org (Patch Adams, M.D. & Gesundheit! Institute), moments ago.

Again, I am beyond impressed. I feel motivated. I feel patted on the back by a kindred soul. Something I needed intensely.
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No Hate

2011-12-03T03:56:00.000-08:00

The front of
my new personal
calling card. ::grin::

Oh joy! I get to play my jester card on … myself! ::chortle::

I hope I was not as sick-looking as I was feeling yesterday a little after noon-thirty.

So gung ho was I feeling at the beginning of my day, I thought to myself, “Self, we’ve got a lot of energy this morning, we can do this!”

Phlbbffssstttt! Fail!

That’s not to say, my morning didn’t go well. It did. I made a long trek to get my Disabled EZPass.
I made it through a get together with a friend I don’t see often in person.

There was also the coloring to finish the design of my new personal calling card. I LIKE having a calling card to hand out, I feel like one of the big kids! Plus my card is a playful one, so hopefully any person I hand it to will get a chuckle. That’s a big plus to me.

And then there was the moment when my physical energy hit a wall that leaped out of nowhere ...
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Success!

2011-11-30T00:22:00.000-08:00

Dances the upside down Woodstock Flitter - Go Snoopy!

Apparently, I miscounted, for when I compiled everything from Scrivener I had a whopping amount of words over 50,000 for the month of November.

I state proudly for my record, I was a NaNoWriMoRebel -- that means and I quote from the NaNoWriMo forums:

"You're writing a memoir, a script, a nonfiction book about turtles or something else that's not a novel. You're a NaNoRebel, baby! Converse with your fellow outlaws here."
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Promise and Commitment

2011-11-28T12:55:00.000-08:00

Graphic from my Hemera collection,
TY to the folks who held my old computer for me
without you I wouldn't have this image!

‎"The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible" Author Unknown

“glad to have the likes of you in my midst.” From a friend I just made an hour back.

I made myself a promise a short time ago — it seems like forever to me, however, it truly was only about 2 months ago (or less).

Actually it was a series of promises and commitments:

That I would not fret over situations and circumstances for the month of November;
That I would expend my energy on me;
That I would communicate when and how it felt “right” to me;
That I would not apologize for taking care of myself;
That I would not apologize for “not being what others expect or anticipate me to be”;
That I would meet and explore my expectations not anyone else's;
That I would be myself around those I call my friends, regardless of what I feared my friends might think of me, or if they would drop me as a friend, (I rarely fit into others comfort zones); and,
That I would express what I feel, see, perceive and am aware of. Regardless of the fear—that still has some residual life in me, for it was strongly necessary in my survival when I was younger—of what others would “think of me” and most enervating “do to me”.

The month of November is nearly up.
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#NaNoWriMo Write-In and The Grinch! Holy Cow!

2011-11-25T13:44:00.000-08:00

Vroman's Pasadena 11-26-11 -- Tomorrow is gonna be ROCKIN'!
Special Holiday storytime featuring The Grinch! 10:AM
NaNoWriMo Write-in 9:30am - 12:30pm

Come on NaNoWriMos!

Whether you are going to make the 50K words or NOT! Whether you are a Rebel or a “Proper”!

This (despite all the trials and tribulations that invariably happen to me in November) has been the most tremendous November of my life and I wanna see all you NaNoWriMo people in my area!

I want to breath the same air you are breathing and bask in the creativity, expression, and passion for being that exudes from you.

All I can give you in return is one of my crooked smiles, but I tell you now, I've got plenty of them, and tomorrow is gonna ROCK!

On top of the write-in that is being touted, they will have at 10:AM THE GRINCH at their holiday storytime (and YES! I will have my trusty Fidget and Widget with me to have someone take a photo of me with The Grinch!)! I'm not missing that! Spoken-word storytellers, whether reading or telling are part of my lifeblood and this is gonna be a DAY!
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How do you make a difference?

2011-11-25T05:56:00.000-08:00

Silhouette from Dover clip-art

We all want to have others be aware of us in positive ways. Positive is a nebulous word. Pick a meaning for you that makes your spirit soar.

For me it's important to make a difference.

In the grandest of my dreams, the difference I make is cosmic. Felt worldwide, felt universally.

In the reality of my world, the difference I make is sometimes not observed by anyone but me.

We look for the "big" things, often forgetting it's the little things that build the big things.
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To All Things a Season

2011-11-19T06:30:00.000-08:00

Christina, Lori ...

I have not forgotten our discussion the other evening. In my research to give you both more information on yule log, the tree of fire, the burning tree, the burning bush and other monickers it's known by, I came across this.

It is an incredible piece of writing and speaks to my spirit. As you both know, I have no issue with whatever faith a person resonates with, as long as two things are present -- 1) there is no hate/bullying expression involved and 2) I am not proselytized to. This piece, Pagan-centric, meets my criterion in spades; and I feel comfortable sharing it. It is as valid for one form of faith as it is another. And as I am not a faith-believer, it is also valid for those of us who are not faith inclined, in my unhumble opinion.

From my point of view, it moves well beyond an exposition on mid-winter celebration; it gives, if you look deep enough, illustration of how people can transform the world -- yet, you know me ... that's one of my goals, so I'll find ways and means for it in any circumstance I come across.
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Friends - my 100th post? Egad!

2011-11-18T05:55:00.000-08:00

I am lucky.

The friends I choose to have are absolutely brilliant people.

Are yours?

Why are they brilliant? Without naming names, let me tell you of two of them.

We allow each other to be who and what we are.

No, we don’t do it perfectly. So take that notion right out of your head. In fact, let the concept that things must be perfect sit in a safe place from which you can reclaim it at the end of this tale. Fret not, it will be safe, it is in a container of your own devise, which you can open and close at will.

Moving on …

One example of why these are two people I have allowed within the confines of “close friends”?
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Celebrate

2011-11-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

Celebrate

I chatted with my therapist yesterday.

Why do you need to know that, you may wonder.

First and foremost — it is imperative to me to illustrate to others (you, if you’re amenable) how we humans can be.

No, that’s actually second in importance.
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Teach Your Children

2011-11-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

Crosby & Nash 11-8-11 (the same as above, but a link to take you to the YouTube post itself)

ARTIST: Graham Nash
TITLE: Teach Your Children
Lyrics and Chords


You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good-bye

/ C - F - / C - G - / :

Teach your children well
Their father's hell did slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they pick's the one you'll know by

Don't you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

/ C - F - / C - / Am - F G / C - F G /

And you of tender years     Can you hear and do you care and
Can't know the fears        Can you see we
That your elders grew by    Must be free to
And so please help          Teach the children
Them with your youth        To believe and
They seek the truth         Make a world that
Before they can die         We can live in

Teach your parents well
Their children's hell will slowly go by
And feed them on your dreams
The one they pick's the one you'll know by

Don't you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

An Essay -- The Meaning of Life

2011-11-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

I've been given the assignment of writing a one page essay. Being the rebel I am, my fulfillment of the assignment is to perform another person's essay, and it's more than one page. Yes, I will ultimately write a piece to hand in ... I have another 4 days to get it done. However, the opportunity to perform this piece is so much more fulfilling personally at the moment.

These words, from The Viscott Method by David Viscott, M.D. have meaning to me. The paperback I have that contains them has a shredded cover (the moreso since it's been with me since 1984); it is yellowed, and perhaps in danger of falling apart. But this morning it has served it's purpose, once again. It reminds me of what I value, some of what I believe, and of a teacher I read often when I was in my 30's.

I am a performer, so it's natural for me to give this to you vocally. Just imagine you are sitting in front of a radio, listening.

Lost Awareness's Vocal Reading of David Viscott's essay "The Meaning of Your Life"

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It was a dark and stormy night ....

2011-11-12T02:50:00.000-08:00

It’s 2:am and it’s raining.

It’s 78 hours and 53 minutes until I turn 57.

This is a month when many give thanks officially in the continental United States. I’m thankful I’m dry, only a little cold, and writing up a storm.

It’s cold outside and my apartment is in the midst of an area where my street peers are huddling, shivering and focusing on surviving.

Did you know that 2 blocks from where I live, a mobile shower appears in the parking lot of a church for my street friends? The same location houses a food bank to help feed those in my neighborhood.

Are you aware if the same type of love is going on in your neighborhood?
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You say you want a revolution?

2011-11-10T07:05:00.000-08:00

There are innumerable ways to have an effect upon the world.

Revolution is one of them.

Care to join in a peaceful revolution?

You have skills.

The skills you possess are tremendously important, and you never know for certain how they may play a part in transforming others.
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I am in love

2011-11-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

I am in love.

Totally unexpected.

Thoroughly surprising.

Wow.
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Response Ability

2011-11-06T05:03:00.000-08:00

We learn by illustration. Yes, we learn by words, yet we learn some of our most intrinsic behavior by emulating others. It's one of the ways we develop some of what we call our "beliefs"; our "standards"; our "ethics"; our reality.

That said, I'm sharing this piece -- for any person who may have some of the same feelings and questions that I do. My hope? That by illustrating what I have found, you may feel freed to find a truth for yourself -- whether or not your truth agrees with mine.
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Take advantage of the moment

2011-10-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

It has been another startling month and a half for me.

First, if you wish to celebrate my upcoming 57th birthday (November 15) with me, go here and make a donation before November 4, 2:42pm EDT. There are only 14 days left to do this, and it is my most fervent wish for my birthday to see this project blossom:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1550578903/home-a-kindling-group-documentary

Now onto the grist of this post:

This will make the most sense to those who follow me to keep track of what's going on in my life.

I heartily invite you to persue the thoughts, even if you are not one of those ... by all means, eavesdrop!

Those of you who know me, know well that my creedo is: "Choice is always yours. Everything is an opportunity. The meaning of life is in this very moment."
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Abuse. What is it?

2011-10-01T06:22:00.000-07:00

There are so many forms of violence. Where do I begin?
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DoOver Week?

2011-09-30T10:24:00.000-07:00


Why Not? Yes, that was the cat's name

This week did not go as I had hoped it would.

Between a waffling flu-ish grippe; an allergic reaction to some unknown substance kicking in during the middle of the week; and my hand deciding to go absolutely banana bonkers painwise -- I've missed 3 very important events; and will miss a fourth tomorrow.
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Small Actions Create Large Ripples

2011-09-25T05:03:00.000-07:00

Ascencia (formerly known as PATHAchieve Glendale) has Breaking News constantly.

They continue to ROCK in how they serve the homeless community with a new volunteer: Lori Kozlowski.

On Wednesday evenings, Lori brings a Creative Writing Workshop to Ascencia's clients.
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57? ::grin::

2011-09-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't asked for birthday presents in many years.

Yes, now I'm asking. Yes, I'm asking early, 'cuz there's a time deadline.

If you want to give me my desired birthday present, you need to do it before 2:42pm (Eastern Time) Nov. 4, 2011.

My birthday is November 15, 2011.
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Communication to create change

2011-09-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

Some of the things that have never created change for me are: Fighting. Attacking. Trying to prove right/wrong.

The original title of this post was "Communication -- Abuse or Healthy?"

Is your communication a healthy means of expression?
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Gratitude is Power

2011-09-09T05:36:00.000-07:00


This is one of my family. Her name was LePounce. I am grateful she graced my life. I am grateful someone else chose to facilitate her during a time 10 years ago when I found myself with no home. Yeah, the picture bites, I'm still grateful I was able to rescue it from my elderly computer.

We can spend so much time focusing on our trials and tribulations we forget our power.

Our power is All Ways to find in our circumstances what is a benefit or a boone. Our power is being able to make the choice in our mind and take action to find at least one thing to express constructively about.

Since I'm overtly attempting to coerce you into taking that mental/physical/emotional/spirit action, I'll give you an example of this morning and me:
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Brice, Guest Chefs ROCK!

2011-09-08T06:36:00.000-07:00

Brice, I'm way too verbose to be able to respond to your tweet on Twitter today! ::grin:: 140 characters is great, but I need more!

"@lostawareness @PATHAchieve what can we bring for the new mama Sunday night when we guest chef?"

The new mama is one of PATHAchieve's current housing successes! When she leaves the hospital with her babies, they have a great little home to go to!

I cannot truly answer your question, but I can share with you that checking with @PATHAcheive would be a great way for you to get an answer, as the shelter's awesome team facilitated getting my fellow group member to the hospital yesterday.

Between all the staff at @PATHAchieve, and a gentleman shelteree whom the new mama trusts -- all the coordination and connecting loose ends were handled brilliantly.

By the way ... Brice, I want to share with you, how important the guest chefs are to those of us who are (some of my friends) or have been (me and some of my other friends) in emergency shelter. That one meal a day is a huge boone!

The time and effort you and your colleagues put into obtaining and donating the food, serving it and providing smiles to everyone taking shelter in that space is deserving of the loudest thank you's!

So, from a previous shelteree:

THANK YOU!

Whew! Looks like I'm back online!

2011-09-05T17:12:00.000-07:00

Electronics Mascots

Sweet.

Can't say the 9 hours I've spent today testing apps working together has been the way I wanted to spend the day.

Nor have the multitudes of hours/days during the past 6 weeks been pieces of cake -- testing, checking and verifying that my technical units are functioning the way they've been touted; along with recovering bits and pieces of stuff that was buried.

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I love this!

2011-09-05T07:46:00.000-07:00

"I don't care what ones personal faith is. One could believe in the Holy Chicken of Antioc,

or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or nothing at all. The fundamental question is this:

Are you a good person, do you treat others well and with respect, do you wish for ALL mankind to

live positive, fruitful lives of personal fulfillment and purpose, and do you do this without

caring one bit what their personal faith (or lack of faith) is? If so, then it's all good.

Moving forward..."

~Douglas Mallette

Carrying Bus Tokens -- A small act of well-being

2011-09-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

Back to one of the questions I am most often asked:

"What is the one thing we can do to aid someone we see in need on the streets?"

This response is not only for aiding the homeless; it's for aiding anyone who is having a challenging moment.

There is no "one thing". However, one of the things you can consider is:

Carry Tokens on you, for the public transit system in your area.
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Thoughts on a film

2011-09-02T06:40:00.000-07:00

In 1998 a film came out ... I never saw it, nor heard about it -- until a day ago.

However, *now* is the time it could have an impact on me.

What Dreams May Come, 1998

At the time it came out, I would only have been able to view it for what it appears as face value:
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Opportunity is what you make it

2011-09-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

Today offered me an unexpected opportunity.

In dealing with the opportunity I was brought back to memory of two songs that were my mainstays between the time I was 11 and 13.

So that I don't have to go searching for them again, I have their names at hand.

I am a Rock, Simon and Garfunkel 1966

The Sound of Silence, Simon and Garfunkel 1964

Opportunity is what you make it.

Believe in yourself. Take care of yourself. Love yourself.

What are you making?

Windy

2011-08-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

Amazing.

I expected this post to be on previous members of my family before an incident of homelessness -- Le Pounce, Sly, McTavish, Starlight, Athena, Why Not?, Wild Thing. That will have to wait.

Today, I'm thrilled to find another piece of my life -- it too, a poignant one.

Along with an opportunity to listen to an author of a song that was a theme song for me when I was young, I get to troll memories I didn't realize I had.

Remember the song Windy?

Here is Ruthann Friedman, the song's author singing it:

Here's the Association singing it as a hit on the airwaves in '67.

And, yes I was an impressionable 13 years alive at that time, and I dreamt (or if you're a stickler, I fantasized) I was Windy.

Today, I am an impressionable 56 and 3/4 years alive -- and I have the rare opportunity of being in the audience at LAVA's Sunday Salon 8/11 this weekend to observe Ruthann Friedman.

Perhaps you have to be in my mind, to me it's a fully intriguing occurrence with the opportunity to re-incorporate my put-away and denied visions into my current life.

What brings that opportunity knocking at your door?

Do you choose to open the door?

Archive shots of my previous drums

2011-08-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

There's no other way to label this and I have to get it onto my blog asap, as I don't want to lose these while I have the .jpgs in my hot little hand.

Thanks again to InvisiblePeople.tv for the iPod which now miraculously records my voice -- something I NEVER could get it to do until two weeks ago -- and I've had it for -- well it'll be a year come November. Ya gotta love electronics.

Thanks to my old computer for reviving as much as it has, it held the .jpgs.
Thanks to the folks who stored it for me while I was homeless, so that today I can rescue the ,jpgs to make this slideshow.

Now, without further ado ... for my picture book:

Play well, mes amis.

This moment in time is our life and it is what we make it.

If you ever doubt that, listen to your heart.

Crikey!

2011-08-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

Again, folks this post is for me ... however, you are welcome to eavesdrop. :)

It's also for the folks who are keeping track of me via my posting until I get all my e-mails sorted out -- which is on hold until I get a decent online backup provider. Negotiations are currently in progress for that.

We all have times when it's necessary to get pieces of our lives back together. For me, there is no better time than *now*.

Word up -- there is a forthcoming article for anyone interested in finding online storage. As soon as I finish the altercation I'm having with one provider I'll be sharing that article, along with recommendations for potential online storage locations you may want to explore.

Back to the photo --

The pic shows one of my passions -- me onstage telling tales. One of the many things I *like* to do. My forte is mystical, fable, wizard/magic, and fantasy. And, yes, I do tell others, just more rarely.

Yes, I look different.

I was wearing contact lenses which I had for most of my life. Had to give 'em up when I became low-income and then homeless.

Contacts lenses are a huge expense. Plus there's trying to get 'em in and out daily and keeping the store-bought chemicals along with other considerations -- glasses were more economical and easier to keep track of. Now, it's been so long, I'd have to readjust to wearing them and the cost to get new contacts is hideous. ::grin:: So glasses it will continue to be.

My teeth were still in my head. Changes the smile quite a bit. ::snort::

This photo is a fav of mine, so it's going up on this blog to let me find it in the future.

People keep asking me what I like to do -- this photo shows off one of my passions. Busking is a part of that.

A lot of folks get a grin when I share with them that many moons (read decades) ago, when Pasadena had Busking Licenses -- I had one for storytelling and facepainting on the streets. A busking license? Don't you just go on the street and busk?

I don't know anymore -- at that time you didn't if you didn't want to be rousted in Pasadena.

As a homeless advocate it gives me thought to ponder -- do buskers today get rousted as panhandlers? Is it something I could go back to? I'll have to give that more thought.

In the meantime ... Crikey!

A farewell to one who graced me with their last moment.

2011-08-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

Live your life to the fullest. Protect yourself when necessary. Trust your intuition. And remember to explore reality with an open mind and heart to find your own truth.

Birds are creatures who nurture and protect their young most diligently. Nurture yourself. Nurture those around you.

Nurture those you have contact with.

And drum with me a farewell to my little friend, whom I only knew for a few moments today.

You could have had a melodious, bubbling song, but now you never will,
except for in my ears.
You could have had little bobbing movements when you chirped
that expressed the joy of life.

Not anymore except for in my heart.

Wren, Bran's Sparrow -- you were one moment, and the next you were
blood and guts smashed on the street.
The person who hit you probably doesn't even know it.

Thunderbird now carries you through the skys and the Dreamtime.

All my relations, I call on you to witness the bright moment that was this little one's life.

Only the four humans -- me; the lady who took you out of my hat where you originally landed and accidently put you on the wrong side of the sidewalk; and the other two ladies who watched you get hit unable to do anything about it -- knew of you.

I sang and danced my song of farewell for you, while two others cried. The other people on the street looked at me like I was crazy -- Except for the one other lady, who pulled you out of my hat -- she who was ready to rush into the street and try to save you -- just as I was ready to do at that instant.

I looked at her afterward and spoke softly to her, knowing she probably didn't understand what I was saying -- we speak different languages. But words are only 7% of what we communicate, the other 93% is nonverbal, and my spirit flowed with the nonverbal.

"It's all right. You did the best you could. I did the best I could."

I know not why the little one picked my hat to fall into apparently on its first flight out of the nest.

All my relations, it is never an accident or coincidence when one of you comes to me.

I wish I could have done more than just giving the song of farewell.

It is one of the reasons I had to leave animal rescue because so many of my animal relations came to me on the brink of death, asking for companionship and awareness in their final movement. My heart couldn't take it after it happened so often ...

All my relations, in the spirit of your messenger, and so someone other than me will know of the beauty that was this little one's life I will share this with any human that chances upon my written words:

Live your life to the fullest. Protect yourself when necessary. Trust your intuition. And remember to explore reality with an open mind and heart to find your own truth.

Birds are creatures who nurture and protect their young most diligently. Nurture yourself. Nurture those around you.

Nurture those you have contact with. Be aware. Awareness is a most priceless gift.

Awareness is not fixing. It is not healing. It is not making things better.

Awareness is using yourself to express "You have meaning."

A few lost things found

2011-08-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

I spent part of the day with a family who met me through Skip1 last Sunday. They asked me a number of questions, and I returned the favor -- asking questions of them. I hope to see some of the video they shot, I'm looking forward to sharing it with you.

Some of the questions I get asked most often by people are variations of "What did you lose? How did being homeless affect you? What do you have now that you are housed?"

If you watch InvisiblePeople.tv you'll see/hear many stories and thoughts from myriad people who find themselves homeless. My story is no different, in fact mine is up on that venerable site. If you listen to it, you'll hear me extemporize on how prejudicial and short-sighted it is to deny a people (in this case those of us who endure homelessness) the standard tools of society because somehow we are deficient and not-as-good-as.

I'm a philosopher. No, I'm not trained in philosopy. Just because I am not officially graded or judged in something, does not mean I don't have a clue. This holds true for anyone, you or me -- just because we are not officially graded or judged in something, does not mean we do not have a clue.

The part of me that is a philosopher answers the questions I'm asked most often like this:

Homelessness, for me, was the manifestation of loss I was already feeling. The loss of the roof over my head was the final straw in a series of losses including: awareness of self; income; the use of my hand/arm among other health issues; self-confidence; and self-efficacy. My first episode with homelessness began when I was 17 1/2. If I hadn't of been bent on getting my high school diploma, it would have begun at 15 1/2.

Being homeless from August 5, 2010 to February 2, 2011 put me in touch with people vibrant enough to help me regain my voice.

Now I have the ability to *be*

While I bring my computer back online -- a slow and arduous process -- I'm also rescuing a few things from an old computer as well. In many instances I'm re-opening wounds that were not healed; I'm finding some of the bits that were lost; and using each circumstance to live in the moment and transform. Some things may be lost to me for the long-haul, others may resurface.

Here are some pix of my 51st birthday -- that'll be 6 years ago come mid-November, which represent one of the largest and most emotionally wrecking things I've lost -- but to explain it would take a book -- so for now I'm simply going to let the pictures share -- and if you're wondering why I'm taking the time to put this up on my blog? It's for me, if my old computer dies -- which it's been trying to do for years; and my new computer dies yet again (which it's already done twice in less than 8 months) at least I can come back to this blog and see the pix.

Moi, telling the tale of Puff the Magic Dragon

My 51st birthday party was my favorite ever. I planned it, paid for it, threw it, and hosted it. At a wonderful place that no longer exists physically. Bang-a-drum. I was there for Bang-a-drum's birth, its many drumcircles, and watched it close.

I purchased a huge amount of handdrums and percussives over that few years. When I became homeless 8/5/10 they were distributed among folks who share my passion for the framedrum, drumcircles and the entrancement of drums heartbeat.

This is Chris -- the *father* of Bang-a-drum facilitating my 51st birthday drum circle

Chris owned Bangadrum. He and his wife were awesome! He graciously accepted my request to facilitate my birthday drum circle (along with one of his employees). The Djembes and other accoutrements always available for experimenting on in the store were inspiring.

This is my birthday twin singing Puff the Magic Dragon at my request.

Born on the same day about 12 hours apart, one on the west coast (moi) and one on the east coast (my friend) -- the woman has the voice of a lark. As you can see by our garb, I made it quite clear to those attending that if they wanted to come in fantasy RenFaire gear or dress up in some other dream of their own, to do so. I was honored that everyone who attended did so.

A teller of tales extraordinaire!

Some of the finest people I know are tale-tellers. This is a woman whose Irish lilt always drives me into a tremendous desire to have it as my own -- what a wonderful voice, what a wonderful sound! She continues to tell tales and share bountiful life. She (and her mate in the top hat, who has since died) will always be a source of inspiration to me.

And this is me holding time with a dun-dun.

Of course, I cannot resist the pun ... that means this blogpost is dun-dun ... er done (yeah, it's not the right pronunciation for dun-dun -- but, it is my blog post so ... phlbbffsstt)!

Laughter and Awe are important in our lives

2011-08-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

The accident that befouled my computer totally for 3 days (and the prelude which had kept me limping on it for 3 1/2 weeks prior) ultimately has given me some great gifts.

More, in fact than I can count in this post -- it would take up waaaaay too much space.

The good news for friends patient enough to wait to hear from me, is I will be back online and social in about another 7 days.

I still have not installed my e-mail reading app, so e-mails are behind by at least 4 weeks in all accounts.

At this point, I'm still testing installations (a slow process), refinding things, and re-building trust with my system functioning.

The old clips of me telling some of my favorite stories are apparently gone. The good opportunity springing from that is I have the brilliant gift of a FlipCam, and a dynamite tripod -- so I'll be setting up those tellings in present day. And, of course, I'll be posting them here, because at least I'll be able to find them again in the future.

I believe in laughter and awe.

Here are 4 of the recovered things that bring me immediate laughter or awe (or both). May they keep you occupied while I keep working on my return to the social world.

Laughter:
My personal favorite out-take

Inspiration:
Peter O'Toole, Man of La Mancha (1972) - I, Don Quixote

Inspiration:
Puff the Magic Dragon, Peter Paul & Mary

AWE:
Shibaten Spirits

Note to self and friends:

I have a limited backup (due to physical size of the holding unit). As I get programs back up and running on my beloved Toshiba I am restoring the files from my backup in incremental sessions.

I've also researched online cloud storage, and found one that will suit my needs, albeit expensive. I hope to avail myself of it next month.

Yes, I checked out the free online cloud storage, and 2GB of storage is a drop in the bucket. What I have been able to restore so far is in excess of 68GB -- and for what I normally keep onhand -- that too, is a drop in the bucket.

No, I'm not back on Twitter or FB yet. That is important to me, however, getting my computer set up to function without snargling needs to be taken care of first.

See y'all soon.

MetroPCS Samsung 900 Craft for sale

2011-08-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

This ever faithful iPod has saved my sanity, life, and ability to communicate a zillion-times beyond it's face value! ::grin:: However my blog posts with it are rarely aesthetically stellar ::rofl:: This one will be no exception!

That said, I have a MetroPCS Samsung Craft (AMOLED) cell phone for sale.

Rd's YouTube link about the selling of the cell phone

Talk about flipping your world upside down!

Twice!

Just try editing video on an iPod! ::grin:: I can't do anything 'bout the vid below from my iPod, so, just stand on your head to view it! :)

Rd's YouTube link showing the MetroPCS Craft cell phone

If you know someone in the LA area who wants to buy a MetroPCS Samsung Craft for use -- have 'em connect with me via text: rd_la@textnow.me -- 'cuz I don't give out my landline 'cept to those I know personally.

Smile. Our circumstances may be less than we desire, yet we always have choice as to our attitude.

Grateful for this iPod, by the way -- if you consider electronics a friend, this little guy is my bestest friend EVER!

#PromotingWellness -- A Series of Outcomes: RYF 8/13/11

2011-08-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the Promoting Wellness Conference, one of the bits of paper that made it into my hands was about the 7th Annual Rainbow Youth Festival.

I'm having difficulty accessing the web given on the handout, but here's info easily findable on the web you can share with folks.

Free
Saturday, August 13, 2011
2-7pm
LGBTQ Youth and Allies Ages 14-24

The Facebook Event page for it:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=186719641388676

Also check in with LifeWorks on FB and their website www.lifeworksla.org

#PromotingWellness -- A Series of Outcomes: Steve Lopez

2011-08-06T04:04:00.000-07:00

"Come hear from a journalist who has presented lived experiences and stories of homelessness from LA's Skid Row through his book The Soloist and the LA Times article series From Skid Row."

This is what was printed on the agenda for the Keynote Speech.

I've been looking at my notes from the conference. All 15 pages of them. I was flabbergasted to find that I only had 3/4's of a page of notes on Steve Lopez's talk.

I'm flabbergasted because I was heavily impressed with Mr. Lopez's sharing. I expected to have pages and pages of notes on what he said.

If you're involved with music you know the feeling of "being in the groove". Others will speak of "being in the flow". Athletes "get their game on". In yoga, t'ai chi chu'an, chi kung and meditation there are phrases people use for the experiential sense they come across.

Your sense of passion is kindled. You "feel" the "entirety".

It's that sense of magick.

That's what happened for me listening to Steve Lopez.

Marketers try to create this sensation in people, because it's what makes people "buy-in".

To understand what was so impressive about Steve Lopez's dialogue you needed to be present for the nonverbal communication. It's not what you say, it's how you say it, so to speak. Only about 7% of our communication is words, the other 93 to 94% is nonverbal. Mr. Lopez is brilliantly coherent in both his verbal and nonverbal communication.

When the verbal and nonverbal communication are saying the same thing and you feel they are genuine -- you are in the presence of power. Those are opportune moments to safely learn and transform/accept yourself.

Such was the gift of Mr. Lopez's sharing.

Everyone got something different from what Mr. Lopez said. This is what his sharing enabled me to find language to express (these tell more about me than they do about Mr. Lopez -- one of the gifts of a talented presenter is to let you find out what's important to you, by sharing what's important to them):

Keep your eyes and ears open.

How do you root for someone?

Are you a safe human connection?

Are you a friend or are you just trying to fix someone?

Assess the situation.

You need patience.

If you keep at it you can make a difference.

We wring our hands -- as if we're surprised that something happened.

Are you taking someone back to a place where it's difficult for them to be?

It's always an adventure.

You spin the wheel of life -- who knows what you're going to get?

Does someone inspire you?

I found myself wishing Mr. Steve Lopez was my friend. I found myself inspired.

Mr. Lopez's keynote speech let me recognize what I want to be as a friend.

Conversely, it let me be aware that I have the right to establish what friendship from others is for me. A life-altering concept because the adults in my childhood life pounded into me the belief I had no right to expectations and needs -- I was there to take care of them.

This may not have been the exact thing Mr. Lopez wanted a person to take away from his keynote.

But, who knows what you're going to get?

If you have the opportunity to see/hear Steve Lopez speak ... take it in a heartbeat.

Here's how to follow Mr. Lopez on Twitter:
LATstevelopez

Here's how to read some of Mr. Lopez's journalistic articles:
Steve Lopez

And here is his Facebook page you can "Like"
Steve Lopez Facebook

What would happen if you rooted for someone?

#PromotingWellness -- A Series of Outcomes: SOAR

2011-08-05T04:39:00.000-07:00

One of the outstanding informational segments of the conference is awareness of SOAR. A program that should be on the lips of ANY service provider in any field.

Another Breakout session I missed while attending others was entitled "Expediting SSI/SSDI Applications". The CD provided by the conference facilitators again proves it's worth many times over!

*Note to my partner in debriefing: There are two excellent PowerPoints regarding SOAR (Expediting SSI/SSDI Applications) and (SOAR Implementation in a Transitional Housing Setting), I have to share with you. Also a fistful of printed information. Along with the business card of a Senior Project Associate with SOAR, she is a part of the TA Center and SOAR State Team Lead Contacts, whom I had the luck to meet briefly during the Outreach Breakout session. But I can't find any of them online, so again, it will need to be on a flash drive I bring to our next meeting.

For now, I am hellbent on bringing awareness of the SOAR website to everyone's attention.

SOAR: SSI/SSDI Outreach, Access and Recovery for people who are homeless

SOAR Outcomes 2010 -- look at the average days to decision.

In accordance with the precedent I've set in sharing this information about the conference, a bit more of my story now:

I'm an SSDI recipient.

Had the SSDI come through in a reasonable amount of time, I could have averted being homeless entirely in this episode.

My process began in April 2010. It could have begun in February 2010 if the agencies and individuals I was approaching had intimate knowledge of SOAR. I knew I was going to be homeless starting in August of 2010.

I say "reasonable". What's reasonable to one person is often off-the scale for another.

When I was homeless, I had an ersatz virtual case-worker -- this was the person I trusted-in and counted-on the most. The people I was involved with in-person were less than forthcoming with me, either through strictures placed on them at their workplaces or through the limitations of their own experience and knowledge portals.

My virtual case-worker (never officially designated my caseworker by any agency, but this person spent countless hours of blood, sweat and tears as a catalyst for paths out of my situation) expressed honest verbal surprise when I did actually receive my SSDI, December of 2010. The process had been less than a year from my application to my notification of award, yet long enough that I was homeless and unable to find safe low-income housing when it did come through. It was through that person's honest response to me that I was able to deal with many of the shaded answers I was receiving from others.

Anyone in the field apparently is aware that from application to award *standard* waits have been anywhere from 2 to 7 years (or longer) with numerous battles after initial rejection for SSDI.

If you look at the outcome rates SOAR is documenting (evidence-based) you'll see that response times have been as low as 39 days, and average out to around 90-ish days. THIS IS AMAZING! And it needs to be talked about, shared and disseminated.

SOAR is a fully viable, exciting, and successful means to keep people from languishing in shelters and on the streets because the only income they may be receiving is the $210 a month from GR and $200 in food stamps if they are lucky.

You want to bring a ray of hope to the eyes of someone? Learn about SOAR, keep it on the tip of your tongue, and above all, learn how to use the processes they are putting forth -- because the processes can be used in any number of fields. Collaboration, Communication, Champions.

All SOAR TA Center services are available on a limited basis at no cost to states or communities participating in SOAR. For more information, e-mail soar@prainc.com

I don't understand why so many of the people in the field of help care are not willing to state what is real rather than couching responses and replies in shaded terms that ultimately wind up having no meaning. It destroys the trust relationship between themselves and their clients. I can only guess that it may represent some form of defensive posture -- due to the litigious bent of our society. It could also be burnout, unrealized prejudice or any number of things.

The worst thing a help care worker can do is set the stage for destruction of trust in the relationship with themselves and their clients by shading answers.

It doesn't make the relationship effective to fog the situation (from either side, provider or consumer) -- People Know When We Believe In Them.

SSI/SSDI is a life saving factor.

What if instead of making our processes complicated and difficult to navigate we made them simple and efficacious?

#PromotingWellness -- A Series of Outcomes : Trauma

2011-08-04T13:09:00.000-07:00

Breakouts I missed (by attending other sessions scheduled at the same time) were "Trauma and Its Impacts" and "Facilitating Recovery through Trauma-Informed Practices and Trauma-Specific Interventions" sessions.

There are a series of handouts copyrighted by Cathy Cave and Niki Miller from Services in Supportive Housing TA Center.

Because I cannot find a version of the slideshows already on the internet, I am not posting them here.

To my cohort (the one I'm debriefing with, she knows who she is ::grin::) -- DM me, I am currently checking Twitter about every 24 hours, and fortunately, through the CD given to all attendees I am able to look at their written material, which I feel important to pass onto you.. I consider the PowerPoints invaluable.

To everyone else reading this post, I am recommending you peruse the following informational material online currently available at HRC:

Avoiding Re-Traumatization and Fostering Recovery Among People Experiencing Homelessness

HRC's Homelessness and Traumatic Stress Training Package

Finding Your ACE Score

If you read on, know that the rest of this post is an expression of my story, not the work presented by any of those above.

"You should have known!"
"You should have said something."

Ever hear these phrases?

Imagine that you hear at least one of them.

How do you feel when you hear it? What body parts do you notice a response to the phrase in?

My immediate mental knee-jerk reaction when I hear those phrases is: "Exactly how am I supposed to have known? Exactly what should I have said?" My immediate physical reactions vary widely.

The phrases are some I hear in the present, not only from well-intentioned people with whom I have established levels of trust (my trust of them) but also from people who are acting on their own agenda and are doing what I call 'shifting blame'. I also heard the phrases ad infinitum in my past.

The phrases trigger (whether I want them to or not) intense feelings that can perhaps be understood if I express them with the new language I've been learning at the conference.

The phrases trigger intense feelings about being:

unseen and unheard -- silenced,
trapped,
powerless,
unprotected and vulnerable,
threatened,
set up with no privacy boundaries,
blamed and shamed,
thrust into crazy-makingness,
betrayed, and
isolated.

My personal belief is that no one escapes being faced with trauma. My belief also extends to this: Some people have been around others who were skilled/talented in illustrating how to deal with trauma, and have learned adequate or superlative coping skills. Some of us have not. This is true not only of "consumers" but of providers.

Of course, the main reason I feel it's important is because it affects me. And, being aware of the many things my comrades on the streets and in shelters have shared verbally with me -- trauma and re-traumatization is a common story.

Familiar with ACE? My ACE score is 7. Why is that important and what does it mean?

It is important because as each of us finds our voice -- our words and language -- our expression grows. And having words from the information surrounding ACE -- to share what's going on in me with others -- gives me a chance of being heard and perhaps understood. Which gives my peers that same chance as well.

It means I am in a position to help bring awareness to this provocative information that can transform worldviews and bring about the end of homelessness (along with other social ills).

Personally it reaffirms my choice of advocacy.

So when someone uses a phrase that triggers me, I am offered a chance to grow, express and transform. It's always possible to turn a circumstance into a constructive growth process.

Healing from trauma, like healing from a physical injury, is a natural human process. ~Mollica 2006

#PromotingWellness - A Series of Outcomes: Self-Care

2011-08-04T02:22:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to attend a conference August 1 and 2, 2011 in downtown Los Angeles.

Promoting Wellness: An Integrated Approach to Homeless Service Delivery

I highly recommend it to you when it comes to your neighborhood.

Don't let the title fool you. The conference was about many things. And the best means I have of *delivering* what I learned to my community is through this blog, because I can easily share this blog through my social media outlets.

My previous post on non-compliance was sparked by this conference. I had no words to express what I was feeling in regard to the fact that many of us -- "consumers" of help care services -- are labeled non-compliant until I attended the sessions at #PromotingWellness.

It was especially poignant that in one of the role-play dialogues, the first day of the conference, I was shouted down at my table for being non-compliant.

That table experience lead me to the very same feelings I've had when dealing with service providers during the two years leading to my homelessness and the 8 months of my being " a person experiencing homelessness." During that time so many service providers handed me dictums and I bravely (or foolhardily as I was told on occasion) started saying "No, that is not something I can live with."

First and foremost I have learned a bit of language at this conference. My goal with that is to express (more clearly for others) things in my consciousness I've been carrying around, with language others can understand.

If you know me well, you know that I am often frustrated by the fact that I see and observe things and yet cannot find adequate means to communicate it to others. Others look at me and respond in a variety of ways some of which include,

"Huh?"
" ::blank stare:: "
"I didn't get that"
"Would you repeat that using different words?"
" ::wandering off muttering, 'Chick is crazy':: "
"Dog-gone it Rd, I cannot understand your code!" (I personally love this one because it comes from someone I value highly)

Having the tool of language that others use on an hourly basis is a means of increasing my feelings of self-efficacy. A valuable outcome of any conference. Extremely valuable as some service providers give it to their clients, for instance, PATHAchieve Glendale has an EMDR therapist who shares the value of giving language during #WellnessWednesday Stress Management and Parent/Family Groups each week.

This hour's post is on one of the very important concepts carried throughout the Promoting Wellness conference: Self Care.

While it is aimed directly at those in the high-burnout field of Help Care Delivery, it is valuable to each and every person. Because at the very crux of things, we are all the same: human species; with feelings, goals, desires; and the need to be nourished.

As a trainer, I am impressed with not only the information but the fact that it was incorporated into the conference setting as a main stage event several times during the day under the title "A Taste of Self Care."

Katherine Volk was the presenter. I'm impressed with her. Especially since she was presenting some of the same techniques that I have been looking forward to presenting to my own peers.

As well, I'm totally on-board with her comment of "take the information from the disk we've included in your packet and share it. Print it, e-mail it, pass it out to your friends and co-workers".

I've taken her literally. Please be aware the link material is Copyrighted (2008) by The National Center on Family Homelessness

That said, here's information on Self Care:

What About You? A workbook for those who work with others.

What if you gave yourself some time to read the information and experiment with it?

What's in a label?

2011-08-03T02:40:00.000-07:00

Non-compliant.

What are you aware of as you envision non-compliance?

What do you feel when you label something or someone as non-compliant?

If you say no to something are you non-compliant?

If someone says no to you are they non-compliant?

Are you a help care or service provider?

If someone says no to the help/service you want to provide, is that someone non-compliant?

What effect does your label of non-compliance have on the person you are labeling -- even if you do not say the label to their face?

Are you trying to persuade me to change?
Are you assuming you know what's best for me?
Are you criticizing, shaming, or blaming me to invoke change?
Are you labeling me?

Are you surprised I'm not changing?

Am I non-compliant?

May I offer you some hospitality? Would you consider exploring another viewpoint with me?

People Know When We Believe In Them

A Taste of Motivational Interviewing

How would life be different if we all had safe places to explore conflict and difficult realities?

Thoughts on Help - omg'dss it's long and rambling!

2011-07-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

My therapist said to me two days ago, “You don’t accept help” or “You have difficulty accepting help.” Or did she say, “You have difficulty asking for help.”?

I’m thrilled to say we have a difference of opinion ‘cuz it can be traumatic to confront an authority figure. I get 100 points on the courageous-acts-scoring for daring to disagree! And, my therapist will figuratively pat me on the back for acknowledging my disagreement in two weeks when next I see her.

I definitely want help.

However, what you think is help may not represent help to me at all.

It is critical when you “help” that you and the “helpee” are resolving the same perceived crisis.

One person’s definition of help is another person’s definition of trouble, danger or abuse.

If I were a business person considering an opportunity, you’d expect me to analyze and decide whether it is of value to me.

As a consumer, it is my right to say, “this product meets/does not meet my needs”.

I am:

previously homeless;
currently housed only because a group is paying a third of my bills (I call that “me-accepting-help” on a monthly basis by-the-way);
not in the best of health;
coping with a lower than anticipated income due to unexpected circumstances still being dealt with; and
unable to meet my survival needs.

I am still a business person and a consumer, with the same rights when I assess *help* that is being offered to me.

Yes, I want help. (I don't suppose you know anyone willing to come in daily and help me dry scrub Borax into the carpet and then vacuum it up in the evening for another two weeks, so I can finish dealing with my allergy to flea bites? It's wearing me down. And I don't even have any animals in residence.)

The fact that I am starving is a symptom. When it happens repeatedly it becomes a pattern.
Resolving for the symptom does not solve the challenge.
Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results does not solve the challenge.

Someone handed me some some spinach to eat as I left to catch the bus Wednesday. It was important to that person to tide me over for that moment. Yes, I’m grateful. Yes, I needed it. Yes, I accepted it. Yes, I munched it down.

Yes, that solves the immediate symptom, however, the symptom is going to crop up again, and again, and again, and again and …. many agains.

Does it change your brainstorming suggestions if I say, ”I’m depressed ‘cuz I perceive no change available to the pattern of me starving for a number of days each month”?

Oh, the D-word. That changes things entirely, eh? Say the word depression and two things struggle to come out of people’s mouths:

Are you going to hurt yourself or anyone else?
Why don’t you take a pill prescribed by a doctor to stop the depression?

Talking about depression in public is on a par with talking about death. It’s a social taboo.

By-the-way, no, I’m not suicidal, no I will not take prescribed (or non-prescribed) pills or alcohol to mask depression. And I have a brilliant therapist, so I’m *safe*.

However, even copping to having depression is yet another way to be stigmatized by narrow-minded people.

Just like the word “homeless” brings about stigmatization.

It’s also a social taboo to turn down an offer of assistance. If you handed me a loaf of bread, a package of sliced cheese, a package of hot dogs; a carton of milk, and a couple of oranges – you’d most likely feel you gave me healthy food and resolved my immediate dilemma.

Two points:

If I ate your offering I’d wind up unable to think (wheat, red meat & sugar); congested (dairy, wheat &; salt); blood pressure skyrocketing (salt); with mouth sores (orange); and with a headache and sticky, congested inner ears (processed foods & chemicals used on non-organic foods).
Your offering does not help me alter the fact that starving is only going to happen again when my body signals it’s hungry as I have no means of obtaining healthy food for half the month.

Yet, if I turn down your offering there’s a 90% chance you’ll look askance at me with an internal musing of “she just turned down help, she doesn’t want help”.

Seldom am I asked, “What have you explored to resolve this issue?”

Most often, I’m told, “Well, have you done this?, what about ________?, have you tried ________?”

I am an intelligent, articulate person, used to solving problems. Yes, if I have a problem it’s not usually something I’ve just whipped up in my imagination. Chances are I have already found out about (or implemented) the first- and second- round of brainstormed resolutions.

That said, there are some things I have to tell you "Treat me as if I were a Kindergartner while you are explaining this." Trust me, if I say that phrase to you, I mean it. I generally know when I'm not understanding something.

The fact that issuance of my SSDI check on the third of August is caught up by a bunch of people who cannot agree on what is and isn’t important on a national scale http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/exclusive/uncle-sam-pay-no-debt-deal-182942805.html is something I don’t have the energy to focus on. I'm too tired from Boraxing my rugs daily to give much thought as to what will happen if I don't get my scheduled SSDI payment on Wednesday.

Constant hopelessness wears you down in any situation in life.

It’s one thing to ask for help, it’s another to have to ask for it continuously.

I am not the only person this is true for.

Listen to those who are homeless. Listen to the 99ers. Listen to the elderly indigent. Listen to the youth indigent. Listen to those with low-income. Listen to the middle-class who are becoming low-income. Listen to the upper middle-class who are becoming middle-class. Listen to the upper class who are afraid of losing their way of life.

Listen to anyone. Actually listen to them. Put your work, your next meeting, your next telephone call, your next social media interaction, your next entertainment moment on hold for 15 minutes. Just be with someone and encourage them to talk. Listen.

I hear my friends and associates saying to me, “talk to us” and “why don’t you ask me for help?”

What would you have me ask you for and how often would you have me ask it?

Money every month? Food every month? Rides and helping me schlep stuff for my advocate and personal endeavors at various and sundry hours, particularly at night when the buses to my local area dry up and the one-mile walk from the nearest stop becomes very dangerous?

If this particular lack of food was a one-time thing I could ask for a couple bags of groceries to get me through the next few days; or $200 to get me through the next 30-days foodwise.

It’s not a one-time thing. It’s been 4 months and will continue for I don’t know how long.

What kind of help do I need? I need to finish dealing with the impossible things I learned as a child and have carried into adulthood. I do that through an excellent Wellness Program at a shelter. The therapist who facilitates these programs is worth her weight in gold (or fresh food, depending on what you value most).

I know some of you are persistent about “what can I do to help?” So for you, I'm putting up a list of what I physiologically need at the bottom of this post. (The food I need EVERY month, the items are one time deals.) If you read something that you feel attuned with, then you can connect with me about it.

That's the most effective way I can think of to let people know, otherwise I'm constantly talking and dwelling on it. I've got to say, I'd much rather be putting my focus on finding ways to smile because the frowning is changing the structure of my face, and except for my severe periodontal disease and poor eyesight, I pretty much like my face.

What do I expect from anyone? And what do I expect to be able to give to people?

I love that you care. I love that you are aware. I love that you make time. I love that you listen to me. I love that you let me listen to you. I love that you spend your energy and time to express and interact with me. I love that I am on your radar.

I love that you consider whether or not to take the time to write out your thoughts on this diatribe and post said thoughts in the comments section.

Remember this – I’m housed.

I’m not sleeping on the streets and in danger of skanky people traversing those self-same streets.

I’m not directly confronted by the cold and heat of each day without any protection from it.

I can go to the bathroom when I feel like it as long as I have something to wipe myself with. TMI?

I can take a shower or a bath when I feel like it.

If I don't have any clean clothes because I cannot afford the quarters for the laundry machine, I can wash an outfit by hand the day before.

I have a place to be where no one else can come in unless I open the door.

In comparison to a huge portion of the global population, I am well off.

And I am grateful for being in the position I am in. Even if it's miserable. It's another opportunity,

:) Here, have a smile, I have some hidden away for times like these. It's always good to have a stash of smiles.

The list for those of you who want to know what I need:

Food:

Raw shelled Sunflower Seeds, cashews, almonds, walnuts, pine nuts
Dried: Organic Adzuki Beans, Large Lima Beans; garbonzo beans/chick peas
Dried, textured soy protein
Andean Dream Quinoa Pasta (Gluten Free)
Ancient Quinoa Harvest Supergrain Pasta (Gluten Free)
Gluten Free Old Fashioned Rolled Oats
Yellow Corn Grits/meal (for making polenta – not the denatured white grits)
Chia seeds
Dried goji berries
Cold pressed extra-virgin kalamata olive oil
Fresh uncut pineapple
Fresh organic:
Apples, key limes, bananas, celery hearts, red onions, green onions, blueberries, whole unpitted dates, grapes, papaya, peaches, plums, raspberries, carrots, cranberries, figs, watermelon, avocadoes, cucumber, tomatoes; potatoes; yams; parsnips
(No oranges, lemons, mangoes, strawberries, cantaloupe)

Items:

A new arm stabilizer as mine has worn out-- Futuro arm stabilizer

Vita-Mix blender (www.vitamix.com) (yeah, they are *that* expensive)

Excalibur 3926T or 3526T dehydrator (http://www.excaliburdehydrator.com/Dehydrators-37-cat.htm) (yeah, they are *that* expensive).

Treatment/Health

Periodontal Care (I estimate six-figures easily, since every tooth in my head has to be pulled and replaced so I can breath without flinching, eat without wincing and chew regular celery stalks for their texture rather than having to food process it so I have a chance of digesting what I ingest.)
Chiropractic and massage therapy for my disabled arm/leg issue.

What is #EmPowerConnect?

2011-06-19T12:36:00.000-07:00

::grin:: I'm not getting asked often enough "What is EmPower Connect?"

And what the heck has it got to do with Thumbs Up for Homeless People you may be asking.

If you're not asking ::chortle:: I'm asking for you!

EmPower Connect is a joint effort between WeAreVisible.com and Project Peer Return Support Network to bring computer and mobile connectivity to those most in need: homeless friends who are not yet housed.

Launched September 2010, WeAreVisible has grown into one of the many phenomenal communities available for homeless, and homeless service providers to reach out and touch someone.

The Facebook and Twitter online communities of WeAreVisible are eloquently managed and facilitated by @CareyFuller, currently a homeless mom. She does this work as a volunteer, while writing professionally, taking care of her family and seeking enough income to procure a home and childcare.

Of course, there is Mark Horvath, road-warrior (@hardlynormal) bringing the stories of all the homeless he comes across to life on InvisiblePeople.tv

Project Return Peer Support Network is Los Angeles County's oldest program run by and for people with mental illness. Their motto is "taking charge together."

They are also a truly awesome 501(c)(3) organization that wrote a grant to provide me (as an outreach/training/expression volunteer with WeAreVisible) with two laptops and mifi to be able to reach my comrades in the street and not be tangled up trying to get to facilities where computers are available to the low-income, poverty-living, and homeless.

We work diligently to provide training and support, and have had phenomenal success with the people we've touched so far.

PATHAchieve Glendale has been instrumental in many of the success stories springing from EmPower Connect.

Currently a couple residing at the shelter are learning the basics of computer use:

They've spent time learning how to get the computer to do what they want it to; how to research online; where to go when they have questions and how to access their data.

ThumbsUpForHomelessPeople.com provided the flashdrives to keep their precious data files on, as well!

Icing on the cake? -- As the EmPower Connect volunteer on-site at PATHAchieve, I've had the opportunity to assist in setting up the couple's resumes in Word, and the hugs I've received in return are absolutely, without a doubt, among some of the best in the world. (Consider that a great thing, because I have the benefit of having learned the fine art of hugging by receiving them from masters like @JeffPulver at the #140conference!)

The opportunity now to brainstorm on expanding the project to a non-crisis toll free peer support network component, reaching out to recently housed within their first 6 months thrills me.

I believe the recidivism rates of homelessness can be transformed and dramatically lowered with active outreach to provide access to social community.

I was only homeless for 7 months recently -- that's an exceedingly short time to be homeless; many of my compatriots have been without housing for years, even decades.

It's not just as simple as putting a person in a house and expecting that to resolve the issue so you can move onto housing the next person/family.

Even with as little time as I spent during this episode of homelessness, it's difficult to adjust to being housed. When you are housed, you lose your community. For example, I am well out of the area where I had friends among the homeless community. I am isolate.

Now, I'm the kind of person that adjusts well to being isolate. And even for me it hasn't been easy. I write, tweet, and FaceBook post to keep in touch with people.

To be part of a community.

Having access to social media tools is integral for my social/mental health.

I am not unlike anyone else in this respect. Everyone needs community, I believe lack of validating, acknowledging community to be a reason for gangs, dysfunctional relationships, and many other disasterous bondings in the human social realm.

It wasn't until I spent time with a brilliant EMDR therapist recognizing memories I've buried very deeply, that I became aware I have been homeless many times in the past. It simply wasn't labeled as homelessness, because I wasn't an addict, prostitute, obviously mentally challenged, or otherwise socially unpresentable.

My homelessness cycle originally spawned at the tender age of 17 1/2 when I ran away from home to prevent myself from committing suicide. At that time homelessness for me was called "being a runaway".

Over the years, in cycles of months to years, I've lived on the streets and on other people's couches at least 8 times (other than August 5, 2010 thru February 2, 2011). It was called "inbetween jobs, inbetween house/animal sitting gigs, and inbetween relationships."

Having support and encouragement to assist with acclimation to being housed and the facilitation to gain new or reinforce existing community is critical not only to ending homelessness, but to preventing it for the many who face homeless now.

Transforming, ending and preventing homelessness is something all of us at We Are Visible hold dear to our hearts.

Thumbs Up For Homeless People is a way you can recycle your unused thumb drives to transform someone else's life.

It's a little thing and it goes a long way.

You don't have to train anyone to be an EmPower Connector -- you are one now. You're online and you have the ability to acknowledge and validate others.

And if I haven't been clear, by all means, ask me,

"Hey Rd, what is EmPower Connect?"

#MakeADifference #changeYourMentality #changeYourWorld - Use Social Media

2011-06-10T03:48:00.000-07:00

graphic copyright JaguarWoman licensed use

Any crisis is a turning point. It is a moment where instability can be turned into balance. It is a moment where transition can be effected and views can be affected.

Community is where you and I learn about relationships and how to be human.

Listening is the one skill at everyone's beck and call that truly empowers in any situation.

Homelessness is a crisis. Twitter is a community. #140conf is a place where listening and participating can rock your world.

My point?

Social media is responsible for the fact that I am no longer homeless.

That bears re-typing: I am NO longer homeless, and it is because of social media.

Less than a year ago, I would not have joined Twitter for love nor money.

I perceived it as a place where people talked about burping, farting and generally shared drivel I could not bring myself to be interested in.

I joined Twitter kicking and screaming because another then-homeless colleague (whom I met through this blog, which I started in desperation) told me, "You need to go to Twitter, there are people there who can guide you."

The things you'll try when all hope seems to fail.

Yet -- here I am.

Housed.

Safely ensconced in a human community I never could have found without social media. (Thank you Shelene Bryan and Skip1.org)

Touting the benefits of (and training my comrades on the streets in the use of) social media. (Thank you @WeAreVisible and PRPSN.org)

Let me be more specific --> Twitter led me to @hardlynormal, who led me to #140confLA 2010, which re-opened my belief in humanity.

I, NOW, am housed because an organization saw me speak (via the internet) at the 2010 #140confLA.

I, NOW, am in a community of brilliant people: thinkers, do-ers, inventive, creative, and great teachers.

When Jeff Pulver uses the phrase "explore the *State of NOW*" it has a poignant and very personally significant meaning to me.

I look forward to returning the favor to #140conf in the future.

Rock your world ... give yourself the gift of changing your life on June 15 and 16 in NYC.

I was homeless THEN.

I was communityless THEN.

I am housed and part of a great community in the state of ...

graphic copyright JaguarWoman licensed use

...Now.

Thank you

2011-06-02T04:41:00.000-07:00

I feel stunned. Wait, let me rephrase that ... I feel illuminated.

Thank you.

People have contributed to me getting the blood pressure unit -- and I've have had a moment of being speechless.

If you know me ... me being speechless in a public situation is something that happens rarely.

A friend of mine uses the phrase "wrecked" when something engages him beyond the pale emotionally. I use the phrase "illuminated."

Each of us has a phrase to use.

I encourage you to not only find yours, but to use it whenever you get the chance.

I was illuminated when I went into ER a week ago Tuesday for presenting symptoms that could have been a heart attack or stroke.

I was illuminated when my EKG read nearly perfect, and my blood work did not bear out a coronary event at that moment.

I was illuminated when I recognized how high my blood pressure is skyrocketing and that I not only know techniques to reduce it, but that if I had a measuring device I could constantly track how those techniques are working. This in turn would let me share with people valuable techniques they might want to explore in their lifestyles.

I was illuminated because a handful of people took the time and effort to be aware of me and that is something that has value beyond any coinage and any material object.

Awareness is a form of nourishment.

The human species -- like every other entity on earth, needs to be nourished.

Individually and in community.

Thank you for nourishing me.

I am very grateful.

Thank yous, and panhandling.

2011-05-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

All right then.

A very special thanks is due to the folks who assisted me with "morale" support and kept their mouths closed for me whilst I dealt with the issues and stress of going into ER. You are all well and truly loved.

If you didn't know about my most recent ER visit, it's not because I don't love you. It's because I needed as little stress as possible and even connecting with four people was problematic for me.

Now -- I need to ask all my friends to pass this onto anyone with a few bucks. I must return to tracking my blood pressure daily. Funds are not available to replace the blood pressure monitor that was "lost" during my homelessness.

And more visits to ER are not going to help, however, being able to keep track of my blood pressure during the day and night is going to allow me to track what I'm doing that's working and what is not working in bringing it to a manageable level.

Therefore I need to panhandle to get the device.

This is a direct request for money, if you want to assist me to gather the funds necessary for my desired OMRON Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor Series 7, please go here to put money directly into my PayPal account.

http://lostawarenessrd.chipin.com/omron-blood-wrist-blood-pressure-monitor-series-7

If you don't want to, that's absolutely okay!

My thanks to all, and the next blog post will be a bit more lengthy and on a different subject.

May your day be as bright as mine is, and here's a smile to go with it! :)

But you don't look ....

2011-05-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

What don't I look?

Sick? Homeless? Previously Homeless? Hungry? Tired? Old? Young? Healthy? Rich? Poor? Helpless? Hardy? Mad? In Pain? Anxious? Depressed? Impressed? Fatigued? Perfect? Imperfect?

Or is it something else "I don't look ..." ?

Question. Challenge. Think for yourself.

My job is to challenge things.

It's all our jobs.

It's a part of life.

Some of us challenge things that are more obvious than others.

In a sense we are all Hamlet.

"To be, or not to be."

Are you roused to be who you are or do you evade yourself?

In the dark and light that is my mind, I hear Yoda "... do or do not. There is no try."

I depart from the First quarto, and move straight to our modern day version of the discourse;

"Whether 'tis nobler in mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them."

Is it true spirit to use negative coping strategies as a familiar and reliable way to protect oneself from all the stuff life has to throw at you?

Can you be shocked from your unthinking acceptance of what you have been taught? Is it a virtue to sit back and leave it to whatever Heaven you imagine to settle things?

Or is it true spirit to take action, to the best of your ability -- to move from insistence, empathy, passion and heart ...

... to challenge

"To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub"

Do you sleep? (Live by what others say, unexamined? unchallenged?)

Perchance to dream (Accepting others terms, unquestioned, the pablum that is fed to the masses to keep them under control -- manipulated?)

Can the Heaven you subscribe to have created humans as thinking creatures and yet have issued an edict of "Oh wait, don't use those minds of yours"?

Aye, that is an obstacle, isn't it?

To be or not to be, my friends. That IS the question.

And how you answer it affects your life twenty-fold.

Don't look at things the way I do.

Get out there and question.

Question what you see.
Question what you hear.
Question what you smell.
Question what you feel.
Question what you sense.

Question.

Find answers that resonate within the core of your being.

You make a difference.

Never believe otherwise. And by all means, question what I just said.

I believe. I question. Previously, I spent 55 years thinking I didn't make a difference -- it's what I was taught. I acquiesced -- it was a matter of survival.

I am now 56 and 1/2 years alive.

And I don't look like a lot of things.

Do you know who I am?

More importantly do you know who you are?

We have all suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune.

I challenge you ...

Do or do not. What is it "to be"?

Your age does not stop you, your health does not stop you, your poverty or wealth does not stop you.

You affect everyone in your life. Whether that's one person (yourself) or myriad (your friends or enemies) -- YOU AFFECT everyone in your life.

No matter how you look, no matter what your personal life has for slings and arrows.

I cannot in good conscience close this blogpost without giving you some information to question and research.

I have spoken in generalities above, because I see the patterns in many things.

However, there are numerous of us that deal with what are called "invisible illnesses" during our days and nights, and that I can give you concrete information on.

The list below is specific to people wanting to know more about invisible illnesses.

It is NOT comprehensive, nor all-inclusive. It IS a start to help you ASK QUESTIONS.

Personally, I run into a few folks now and again who don't understand why I need to rest so much, sometimes for hours, sometimes for a few days. I don't know either, I have no concrete diagnoses for anything. I've been told my fatigue is mental. With those folks I like to share The Spoon Theory, even though I do not have lupus -- because I resonate with what Christine says, and if I choose to dedicate time to you, know that you are one of my spoons.

The Spoon Theory written by Christine Miserandino

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

Anxiety

Bi-Polar

P.T.S.D.

LUPUS

Fibromyalga

Crohns

Diabetes

Arthritis

Sarcoidosis

Epilepsy

Depression

Glendale, CA: Registry Week Homeless to Home

2011-04-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

May 1-4 2011 Volunteer Opportunity

Registry Teams

12 hours of commitment, 3 hrs each day. You need to be available for all 12 hours.
You say you want to help reduce chronic homelessness? This is the opportune moment! Get info here:
Glendale Registry Week Homeless to Home
Explore "how & why" this is important.

Transform the current reigning worldview paradigm on homelessness, make the time, spread the word!

Take back your power.

2011-04-17T03:46:00.000-07:00

Internet is my lifeline, so to speak.

The fact that this last month and a half has been a trauma-drama in gaining, accessing, and using internet has given me many challenges.

Part of the reason it's been challenging has to do with my personal need to be reliable. It's danged hard to be reliable when your basic means of communication is wrested from you and, in fact, seems to be running in the other direction at a rapid pace.

One of the constant messages I share, is that each moment of our life is an opportunity and we have choice -- perhaps not on what the moment is, but on how we view it and how we are going to use it to further our goals to be nourished or depleted.

Whether you are on the streets, or housed, bureaucratic red-tape can feel strangling, hopeless, and unresolvable.

One of the things Derek Rydall writes makes perfect sense to me, and I've had a chance to experiment with it during the snafu happening with a major high profile internet service provider:

"They" are not a group of people, but a pattern of thought that pervades ... and has gotten so entrenched it's become personified. It's a mass hypnotic spell making many deep-down decent people run around out of their minds (and hearts).

It's far easier for me to experiment with smaller "they's" like the internet service provider, than to contemplate dealing with the larger "they's" I also have to contend with at the moment.

Though it wasn't easy from my point of view to say these words, "No, I am not going to pay for services you are providing that are not working." Say, them I did, and have continued to repeat them through countless telephone conversations and technician appointments that didn't materialize.

The words have been heard and responded to.

That bears repeating, "my words, my voice, has been heard and responded to".

No small thing, my friends. Many of us share a passion, how to empower ourselves and others. It is imperative that you, no matter your circumstances right now, recognize that you can take back your power.

Whatever your current circumstances, whether they are horrific, magnificent, or somewhere inbetween you can choose to acknowledge what you have accomplished and what you have.

You can also choose to use what you have.

Trust your voice. Practice using it every chance you get -- including talking to yourself.

I am currently using a second service provider, thanks to a gift from a close friend the other day. That service gives me, now, a consistent internet connection.

The fact that my computer chose to destroy it's hard-drive a few days before that also gave me the unexpected chance to again practice taking back my power. I took the computer back to where I purchased it, and used these words, "Thank you, yes, I want you to fix the computer since it's under warranty. Since it's going to take you 10 days to diagnose the problem, and then up to 8 weeks to deal with the manufacturer to get the replacement part, I am going to need a loaner laptop."

I did have to repeat the phrase numerous times before I achieved my goals -- fix my computer and give me something to reliably access the internet with while you're doing it.

For a person used to **not having their voice heard** this too is a moment of triumph and one to be used in the larger challenges still looming.

It's going to take more practice. I share that for a reason. If you are anything like me, I want to encourage you to continue practicing. Keep using your voice, regardless of the medium your voice expresses in -- and acknowledge yourself.

If I can do it, you can do it. Acknowledge and nurture yourself. Take back your power.

Joseph Twodogs -- It's a pleasure to meet you!

2011-03-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Mr. Twodogs -- if I may ... I am not certain what the altercation between you and @hardlynormal is, it's none of my business ... but you did include a tweet mentioning me that was inaccurate, and I'd like to take this opportunity to clarify, not only for you but for the world, because it's my mission to give any assistance I can to my comrades still in the streets. And I believe there is a fallacy that "the system" is going to help them.

@PATHAchieve is a phenomenal emergency shelter.

I stayed there for the first 3 months of my homeless adventure. (Allow me to use the word adventure instead of trauma-drama, because I believe that the verbiage we use is part of the means of transforming paradigms. It is part of my mission to transform the bottom-line world view to one of human-being world view, because I believe this will alleviate homelessness and a spate of societal ills.)

@PATHAchieve is responsible for the greatest psychotherapist I have ever had the opportunity to deal with. She is one of the crowning gems of @PATHAchieve's services to the homeless community. I cannot recommend her enough. Their Wellness Wednesday program is heads and tails above anything I had access to as a housed person.

I would not be coherent enough to write this had I not been able to take advantage of their option for Wellness Wednesdays.

@PATHAchieve is a superb organization for getting homeless families off the streets and into safe housing.

@PATHAchieve has one of the best outreach teams I've come across, and they are a foundation that does their absolute best to be humane, and aid the homeless community. When you walk into their offices you are treated as a treasured individual (or family) and their caseworkers do their absolute best to help you regain what you have lost ... housing and self-respect.

Mr. Twodogs, even with their awesome track record, they were unable to assist me into housing. This is not a diss. They tried with everything they had. My caseworker is one of the best, and he gave every venue an attempt, he answered my questions, and responded to every query I came up with, both positive and negative. The best @PATHAchive was able to get me considered for was Hayward Hotel, which I turned down as an option, because I could not psychologically accept living in that location.

I went to @PATHAchieve as my first stop on my homeless adventure because I came across Mark Horvath (founder of InvisiblePeople.tv) @hardlynormal on Twitter. I went to Twitter, because I came across HomelessGirl due to our homeless blogs, on the internet. Without HomelessGirl I would not have made the connections I have today.

My three months at @PATHAchieve came and went, I moved onto sleeping at other venues because there are time limitations at emergency shelters, and I was hoping for another opportunity to pan out. Unfortunately, it didn't. Thus I wound up in the Glendale Winter Shelter on January 1 of 2011.

I don't know if you are familiar with the Winter Shelter and how it works in the Southern California area.

The Winter Shelter happens because of The Union Rescue Mission. Without Winter Shelter, and @hardlynormal I would not have survived January 2011.

Certainly I still had my caseworker at @PATHAchieve while I was in Winter Shelter, as I do now, because they are gracious enough to allow we, the homeless, to utilize their services for 6 months after we have been housed. I was housed February 2, 2011, and it is through @PATHAchieve that I still attend Wellness Wednesdays -- which I intend to do for the entire 6 months allotted to me. I will say again, Wellness Wednesdays are one of the gems in @PATHAchieve's offerings to us (the homeless). I am grateful beyond words to @PATHAchieve, and for Wellness Wednesdays alone, I recommend them to anyone, homeless or housed.

They (@PATHAchieve) did not, however, place me in housing. That is no diss to them. They tried. My caseworker gave it his best shot. Their housing expert provided me with listings of places that I might go to and apply for housing, once my SSDI was awarded.

It just wasn't happening.

I lived for over a month in Winter Shelter ... with my poor health, I wound up in ER for bronchitis. I was rescued during one of the blackouts of Winter Shelter when everyone is bussed down to Union Rescue Misson by a plea sent out by Mark Horvath to his followers to donate to a hotel room for me.

This immediately preceded the incident where I was sent to ER for bronchitis, the bronchitis flared up while I was in the hotel room, but I didn't know what it was. On one of my next nights back in the Glendale Winter Shelter, I was sent to ER.

Can you imagine what might have happened to my health if I had been with all the people from the 4 winter shelters that blacked out at the same time, thereby sending all the homeless using those beds to Union Rescue Mission? I was lucky to be put up in the hotel then, because the bronchitis began taking it's toll during that time. I prefer not to think about it because it was a tumultuous time. However, I will reassure you ... without the action taken on my behalf by InvisiblePeople.tv, the outcome could have been much different than me sitting here right now writing this.

I was not housed because of "the system".

I was housed because of one man with a very loud mouth.

I was housed because he connected a very brilliant organization (@skip1.org) with me.

I was housed because of Twitter, and the power of social media to connect people.

I was housed because of conversations like you and I are now holding, Mr. Twodogs ... and I appreciate the opportunity to clarify information for both you and the world.

It is my mission to share my experiences, difficulties in dealing with homelessness and "the system" and to share with people what works.

@PATHAchieve has Mark Horvath on their staff as part of their Outreach team. It is another of the brilliant choices they have made, in my humble estimation.

I personally thank Mark Horvath, Shelene Bryan, and Skip1.org for being housed. It is due to the fact that they connected on social media that I have housing.

I personally thank @PATHAchieve for all that they do to assist the homeless .. they are a premier service provider for the homeless community, and I support them both in my heart and with my volunteering.

I personally thank all of the people I have connected with through Social Media, including you Mr. Twodogs, because each and everyone of you is a part of the circle of life that encourages, teaches and supports me.

If there are any questions regarding my personal situation, I can answer for you Mr. Twodogs, I would consider it an honor. I cannot speak for others, I can speak for myself.

I look forward to our continued dialogues on Twitter. Thank you for the opportunity to express my gratitude to the people and organizations that have been so instrumental in my recent life.

Signing off for now, while I continue to deal with my sporadic internet service.

Thank you everyone who honored me by coming to my housewarming, and who wished me well in absentia. Good journies one and all!

Crap Happens - A Follow Up

2011-03-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

“Are you frustrated? Do you feel you must be crazy because things don't make sense to you? Do you gawk in total befuddlement as you approach someone ask them questions and they give you answers that leave you feeling as if there's a total disconnect? Do you ever find yourself wondering if you're crazy because you know you took steps to accomplish something and not only is there no tangible accomplishment, you can't even find the traces of those steps?

Yeah. It's very discombobulating when your very survival is tied up in the communications.

You begin to wonder if you're making sound decisions.

Crap happens.

When it all happens in one fell swoop, you can cry (been there done that); scream (been there done that), rage, depress, bemoan, bewilder, and befuddle (been there done all that).

For the moment I am laughing.

And personally, I hope it stays this way.

Not the crap. The laughing.

Yesterday, I received acknowledgment that I desparately needed. What freed me most yesterday was not any kind of resolution from the earthshaking circumstances surrounding me. It came from recognizing that I was being listened to, acknowledged and validated.

It didn't even come from someone who knows me, it came from a technician, a service provider of internet.

It came at the end of an already full day, and I very much needed to have it happen.

The previous part of the day?

I spent hours waiting for a call from legal counsel I was led to expect I would receive regarding the biggest survival issue of the moment, the offsetting of my SSDI income.

After the first half hour of waiting, I called their number and left a message politely indicating I understood we would be connecting and verifying my working telephone number to their voicemail.

After the second half hour, I began to wonder if perhaps I had misunderstood the notes I had taken at my meeting with the advocate and written down the wrong information.

After the third half hour, I had more news from another front that added to my stress, and I had to take a shower to help me cry, breathe and release emotional stress – get it out of my system and be able to continue on.

The words of a valued friend spoken the day before (and paraphrased because I don't remember exactly what he said – it can be an exercise in futility at times to remember things when you're dealing with mind fog) replayed a few times in my head, “You need to use phrases that include 'homeless' and 'hardship' when you talk to these people. I get to points where I have to resort sometimes to pulling in under my blankie. Then when I've been under my blankie long enough I force myself to take steps even when I don't want to. I put on the boxing gloves.”

I have taken steps my whole life I didn't want to take and fought just to survive; I'm sick and tired of it. Not just figuratively speaking, but literally. So I wasn't able to grasp onto the import of his expression at the time.

However, because I have a need to prove to my friend that I value his advice and wisdom highly, I am writing this to acknowledge that I was able to put a small portion of his insight to use, and effect a change in my circumstances.

The fourth half hour I decided to quit waiting for the legal advocate to connect with me, it obviously wasn't happening and I obviously wasn't going to be able to make it happen.

Instead, I picked up the phone and called the student loan folks again.

I opened the conversation with this long bit of wording:

“Who can you put me in touch with to assist me? I have recently been housed, after being homeless and sleeping at night in winter shelters. My source of income is my SSDI and you along with the IRS have both offset (garnished) that income at the beginning of this month, without warning to me by 15% each.

This puts me under severe hardship and it puts me in jeopardy of becoming homeless once again, after only being off the streets for a month. The last person I spoke with in your agency a little over 2 weeks ago, indicated he could do nothing for me but send me a form that has to be filled out by a doctor, which I don't have and with you garnishing my income cannot even hope to afford to find, stating that I am permanently disabled.

Are you someone who can assist me with this, or can you put me in touch with someone who can assist me with this?”

The gentleman on the other end of the line said “I can help you.”

“What information can I give you to help you help me?”

He asked, “Were you sent a hardship form?”

I blinked, “A hardship form? No, the only thing I was offered and have received is a form that has to be signed by a medical doctor, which I don't have, indicating that I am permanently disabled. I have had to go to a legal advocate who has my authorization to contact the Social Security Disability doctor who examined me and declared me disabled. However, that is going to take time during which I am unable to meet my basic needs due to the loss of the percentage you are taking from my monthly SSDI income.”

“Okay. Let me put the form in the mail to you. It will take 10 to 14 business days for you to get it. When you do, fill it out and return it immediately, so we can try to get you a year's stay on the offset, to give you time to find a doctor to sign the form.”

“All right, I can do that. I need to ask you a question. Why didn't the person I dealt with a few weeks ago tell me I could do that?”

“I don't know.”

“Will you please note in my records that I am asking this question and that I think it is important for your agency to know that some customer service representatives are not giving us all the information we need to deal with you?”

“Yes, I will be happy to do that.”

“Thank you. I am extremely concerned about what can I do to survive right now, because this loss of income stands to make me homeless again, after I've just been housed.”

“I have the ability to put a stop on the offset on your next check.”

“You do? That would be a great help to me right now, and I am very grateful to know that is possible.”

“I'm setting that up for you right now. ::pause:: I have stopped the offset for your April check. Fill out the hardship form I'm sending you within 30 days, so that it can be evaluated and that we can extend to you a year to be able to get a doctor to sign the other form.”

“Thank you.”

This is major, and I truly am grateful for it.

You'd think that this bit of information would be what made my day, rather than the incident with the internet service provider technician. It wasn't.

The only difference I am aware of in this telephone communication with the student loan folks was that I used the words homeless and hardship in my discourse with the person on the other end of the line. I cannot say if those were the key words, but certainly the result this time was vastly different than the previous phone calls and outreaching for ways to deal with the circumstances.

In dealing with what I call "bureaucacy" --- people whether they are homeless, poverty stricken, or otherwise disaster-stricken are confronted with innumerable instances of disparate information.

For me it's crazy-making situation. Why after 22 days of trying to find ways to resolve the dilemma does a call to the same number I called in the first place garner a response totally opposite of the initial response?

I can't use the same imagery my friend uses ... for me putting on boxing gloves is deterimental, whereas for him and many others it is a contstructive and highly productive scenaro, but he wasn't telling me to use the same tools he did.

Whether or not my friend and I can use the same imagery is irrelevant.

The gift he gave me was sharing with me that moment in which he gave himself permission to go under the blankie (i.e., take time out to withdraw and provide nurturing for himself) and then take the actions to transform the situation.

I cannot resolve the crazy-making game at the moment, but I can substitute another game for it.

Just call me PollyAnna.

Yes, I can play The Glad Game -- instead.

This trauma-drama

has put me in touch with agencies and people that will help me further the endeavor I am working on with Project Return and We Are Visible;
it has given me the physiological testing grounds to prove to myself unequivocally that foods I ingest are heavily involved in many of the things that have plagued me over the years, including mind-fog, and for which I will never, ever again let a medical doctor tell me "it's only my imagination";
it has given me the opportunity in psychotherapy to address and begin transformation in core issues that have kept me from being who and what I am;
it created a sitatuation in which a woman I value highly was able to present to me some books which she had no way of knowing that I had once had and treasured in my private collection and had to give away when I became homeless in August of 2010 (as well as a couple of new ones that I didn't have) by an author I admire and strive to emulate -- the book I'm currently reading is of tremendous support and empowerment at this very moment
it has given me the opportunity to share with you a portion of myself in case it reflects anything you are feeling.

What the friend who used the imagery of boxing gloves did for me, was the greatest gift we (the human race) give to each other, every moment that we breath. The gift is showing a part of ourself. It was something my biological family didn't train me in. They didn't know how, and to them doing anything other than denying oneself was dangerous.

We affect everyone one around us.
My final thought in this blog entry? This is how we change paradigms: By giving ourselves and each other permission to be.

Crap Happens - Hope

2011-03-22T06:24:00.000-07:00

Roadblocks, challenges, issues, problems, trauma-drama, dilemmas, circumstances, acts of nature, distress.

Crap happens.

You can use it as fertilizer for the other things going on in your life, or you can let it do you in.

Grueling at times to see the opportunities, in a grim situation? Yes, without a doubt.

My personal ability to see and act upon the chances misfortune brings swings from muted to blaring and all the decibels in-between. A saving grace is that logically I know these situations hold doors I can open. I know this because I’ve seen it happen in regard to situations in my last year and a half.

However, the logical capability is not necessarily enough to allow myself hope and that I can deal with situations when I find myself dangling over the side of a cliff grasping a vine being gnawed on by a rodent, with a woman-devouring beast above me and a woman-devouring beast below me. (variants of the tale: http://soundofrain.net/the-strawberry-story/ ; http://users.rider.edu/~suler/zenstory/cliffhanger.html ; http://omdammit.blogspot.com/2009/04/zen-story-strawberry-and-tiger.html ; http://workingwithinsight.wordpress.com/2006/08/29/the-tigers-and-the-strawberry-story/ )

How about you? Do you find yourself wondering where the dickens is my strawberry and is it poison or not?

What constitutes a dire strait varies depending on the eyes beholding it.

What is an earth-shattering experience for me is not necessarily the same to you (and vice versa).

How we deal with said situations may or may not be the same as how another person deals with their zen strawberries.

Hope is one of my strawberries.

For instance, last month (February 2011) saw some of the brightest moments of my last two years: housing; an income; the ability to communicate (cell phone, internet, California lifeline landline phone); grant to present to other homeless and poverty stricken; the ability to wash clothes steps away from me; a disabled bus pass; toilet paper; nutritious food I can eat; camaraderie beginning to blossom – all things that I found myself able to draw tremendous hope from.

So the 3^rd of this month, when I found out as I joyously went to withdraw the money to pay my rent for the first time in 2 years, that both IRS and a decades old student loan had offset (the current buzzword for garnish or levy) my SSDI monthly income by 15% each (a total of a 30% loss of my income) without any word of warning, I was caught offguard.

In fact, the incident ripped open all my recently bandaged wounds of being homeless, of being helpless, of being violated, of feeling secure or insecure, of believing I could take care of myself, of feeling hope.

Hope flew by the wayside and I’ve had to work constantly to turn things back to feeling I am capable, worthy and able to handle things.

I am fortunate. The biggest scramble – to pay my portion of the rent – was able to be met, I had enough left to me on my SSDI to cover that. Because I am being subsidized by private individuals and an organization I cannot say enough good about, I still have electricity, gas, and water – they pay those bills. As you can see, I’m not fully on my own, even though I am not homeless.

Other bills (my California lifeline was safe, I had the funding for that); food; toilet paper; clothes washing (the $1.00 for the wash machine and the $0.50 for the dryer); my necessary monthly haircut, and any other expense went by the wayside, with no hope in sight for the return of that 30% offset for a very long time.

The hoped for seeking of health treatments, most notably my mouth at this juncture, disappeared in a thunderous poof, since meeting even my basic needs is now in question again.

Everyone I know … everyone, has some situation facing them.

From HIV, to cancer, to mental health issues, to being in emergency shelters, to no longer having the Winter Shelters and being back on the streets – these are just a few of the things my comrades on the streets, the homeless, are dealing with daily.

My housed friends are experiencing issues:

Shortage of food, shortage of transportation, shortage of toilet paper, shortage of utility services, shortage of toothpaste, shortage of adequate clothing, shortage of internet access, shortage of leisure time activities, shortage of social communication, health issues (physical, mental, emotional), shortage of funds …

Crap happens.

I can use it as fertilizer for the other things going on in my life, or I can let it do me in.

I’m using it as fertilizer.

To eat, I’ve had to locate the local food banks, I got a lead on those from my therapist at PATHAchieve.

Granted, my health is suffering for eating canned foods, wheat, refined sugar, salt and other things I know I cannot eat without repercussion. My sensitivities are acting up like mad because most of the food offered is rife with things I react to. As I told my therapist, my body is not in shape to fast, so I have to make the choice to eat things that give me reactions, it’s the same choice I had to make my last week and a half in winter shelter. I choose to see it as temporary.

The strawberry is:

Since I have the information I’m passing it onto you, and with luck through the ripple effect, you’ll be able to pass the information onto someone who needs it.

The even greater strawberry is that by my expressing this you can pass on the hope of finding information to someone else so they can feel their own empowerment and handle their situations.

Food Pantries:
To find a Los Angeles area Food Bank online. If that link gives you issue, go to http://www.lafoodbank.org/get-help/useful-links.aspx. In the second paragraph you will see the phrase "See the Food Pantry locator on our website -- to search for food pantries by City of by ZIP code" click on either link.

Homeless (on the streets) or not ... many people are having to make use of foodbanks. If you are local to the San Fernando Valley here are some references:

I recommend you contact the provider in advance if you can. Many service providers require appointments. Some pantries have restrictions. Some require ID, proof of residence, proof of low-income.

Housing for disabled people:
Here is a program I haven't had a chance to research, I picked up the flyer at a local foodbank 2 days ago (3/20/11):

Want to live in a House with a Garden? $500 or less per month. For information call toll free 1.877.SHARE.49 (1.877.742.7349); or a direct line at 310.305.8878 This is Collaborative Housing, a public-private partnership to provide affordable, permanent, supportive housing to disabled people.

Crap happens. When it does, one of the opportunities you will have is to pass on the value you are gaining through the throes of the experience. By doing so you give yourself and others hope.

Good thing hope. It's a lifesaver for many. What are your thoughts?

I am housed not because of “the system”, I am housed in spite of it.

2011-02-27T01:08:00.000-08:00

I am housed not because of “the system”, I am housed in spite of it.

I've been housed since 2/2/11. Not long in the scheme of things; yet a very profound experience.

Homelessness is a social ill that can be obliviated. I am proof of it. Others that I know are proof of it.

Many, many, many, many, many, many …. many others I know want to be proof of it.

Homelessness is about the unusual, the dispossessed – the exiled ones. It is a primeval issue.

It's about perceived unacceptability, and is exacerbated by misunderstanding; the cruelty of ignorance and/or intentional meanness.

It is about reviled and dis-empowered citizens.

It's about banishment.

The homeless person goes from pillar to post trying to find a resolution: a place to be.

Homelessness is about people who may not act in someone else's time-honored way; who may not reverberate with or reflect an arbitrarily given set of values.

In short it's about people just like you and me.

In the current paradigm the doors we knock at cause us to feel outcast over and over and over again. (Did you reverberate with that sentence? Would it have made a difference to you if I had typed “we, the homeless”?)

Those who become homeless begin to believe the negative images reflected back to them by family, friends, and culture.

The bottomline-economic worldview paradigm doesn't tell the truth about the wound of homelessness.

Methods derived from that particular worldview do nothing to heal homelessness. In fact, they keep it as a festering, bubbling sore.

A paradigm without awareness, kindness, permission and freedom packs whatever is easiest or most available into the void. It causes people to freeze, deprives of nourishment, and sets up a feedback loop of negation, denial, vetoes, and oblivion.

You see in the homeless people ready to apologize for taking up space and their opposite, people ready to fight dramatically, loudly, and angrily for their right to take up space. You see, people trying to fold them selves into shapes that are not theirs, and people wildly striking out to be the shape they actually are.

Because of individuals who recognized their own sense of worth, their own power, their own ability to take action, their own ability to be aware … I am housed. I have shape, I have space to be.

These people took action, acted with awareness, kindness, permission and freedom:

Mark Horvath
Founder of www.invisiblepeople.tv and www.wearevisible.com; and passionate ambassador/advocate of the homeless at PATH Achieve Glendale (www.achieveglendale.org).
Shelene Brown part of the heart and soul of www.skip1.org
Barbara Cameron also part of the heart and soul of www.skip1.org

While not part of the actual housing, but a huge part of adjusting to housing are:
The OutReach Team at PATH Achieve Glendale, each and every soul on it.
The brilliant EMDR psycho-therapist employed by PATH Achieve Glendale for Wellness Wednesdays.

The ingredients important to transform homelessness (and other social ills) are kindness, permission and freedom. Each one of these people reflects you and me – they do not reflect “the system”.

Transforming homelessness locally and globally is nothing less than teaching, inspiring, and helping yourself and others in your path toward personal empowerment. Each person I referenced above uses their own ways-and-means to empower themselves and others.

Empowering yourself (and the ripple effect of that empowerment touching those around you) is what changes the paradigm generating homelessness and other social ills. This is what will affect you, your family, your community, and your world.

We all have the same needs: to have our talents, our gifts, and our limitations respectfully acknowledged and accepted.

I am housed not because of “the system”, I am housed because others were aware of their own sense of worth, their own power, their own ability to take action, their own ability to be aware. I am housed. I have shape, I have space to be.

And I, in turn, am empowered. Are you?

#Homeless Shelters are a bandaid, looking for a solution? #100khomes

2011-01-31T06:34:00.000-08:00

I spoke with 5 of my female cohorts in winter shelter last night.

"How do we get out of shelter? We're all female, solo (can't say single because some of us are not), and low-income to no-income.

The responses echoed what has been going through my mind:

"Cain't. Dun't make 'nuff on unemployment even when they gives me the check."

"We go from shelter to shelter. There's no way to get a place."

"I can't stay at home, my husband is there."

"The women wif kids get some help, but not us. They just want to send us to LA"

(The reference to LA is to a building in Los Angeles within spitting distance of Skid Row that solo individuals can wait months to get into.

It is a stop gap and houses many substance abusers and extremely poverty stricken.

Of the many solo women I've run into -- they'll chose winter shelter over that place.

I made the same choice myself.)

"I'm a 99er, there's no hope of me getting an income."

The shelter system, while a band-aid that is keeping many of us (solo females) alive, is not solving the homelessness issue.

I am grateful for the shelters and most of the people who work in and through them.

If you truly want to make a difference in the world -- support 100KHomes.

www.100khomes.org

And follow them on twitter

www.twitter.com/100khomes

How serious am I on this?

This still is of the feet of three of us sharing an extension cord at winter shelter right now to get the precious power for our equipment.

I'm giving up communicating with anyone today to get this message out to you.

You all rock. You're all astute and aware, help make my day by offering this information to facilitate another person being aware?

Thank You.

And here's a smile for your time and energy.

:)

A Fit of Pique

2011-01-29T10:56:00.000-08:00

Not everything is rosy. Nor does everything smell like a rose.

Are you aware the majority of your communication is non-verbal? It is, and the same is true for all of us ... humans.

Today, on the bus back into Glendale I was poignantly aware of how ashamed, and let's add for good measure angry I was to be a part of the human race.

I *know* that we learn from those around us, I know it's possible to re-learn and transform feelings and awareness. It's my intent to share that with others by the way I live and make choices.

Yet, in spite of that, I still wind up getting my triggers activated. This morning on the bus was one of those times.

The tie-in? At least 15 people were exhibiting the same judging; applying of shame-for-being sentiments; projecting you-are-a-blight-on-our-world-how-dare-you; and the oh-woe-is-us-what-are-we-going-to-do-about-you set of behaviors I was inundated with in my tender growing years.

I hooked into it and barely contained my temper on the bus, including when one little old lady without using any words -- just holding her hand up to her nose in a highly dramatic gesture, stood up from her seat and motioned to me I should open the window next to me and join her in her non-verbal aggressiveness. I looked at her evenly, barely managed a smile and said, "What is it you're trying to say ma'am?"

Well, here, watch my non-verbal communication in this vid I shot immediately after getting off the bus so I could remember what it was I wanted to communicate.

No one is perfect. Least of all me. But I am capable of changing the world, one moment at a time.

I double-dog .... no, wait, I triple-dog dare you (as I do myself) to step back and take a look from another view (hopefully one at least 180 degrees from the one you standardly use) at the human interactions around you today.

You may choose to stay the same as you are. You may choose to change something. You may choose to tell me I'm off-my-rocker. You may choose any number of things.

You choose.

Each time we choose, we teach someone around us to choose as well.

What are we teaching today?

Teddy Oh Noes! And Today's Challenge 1/28/11

2011-01-28T12:33:00.000-08:00

Watch out! She's getting dangerous! A blog and a vlog post together! Whoot! Look out world! ::grin::

So what's the big deal about my teddy hat?

First, it's the most important piece of clothing right now for keeping my ears and neck warm. Since a little toddler the cold has always been a pain, literally. Without ear muffs and neck warmer and gloves (all admirably provided by my teddy hat) I'm a miserable creature.

teddy hat is one piece and less to carry/lose than a separate hat, muffler, ear muffs, and gloves. In the vernacular of a homeless person that makes it priceless. Lightweight, one piece, easy to carry, easy to use.

Second, it's the ways and means of covering my eyes in the light of the winter shelter so I can sleep, particularly since I normally sleep during the dinner period and up until 1 or 2:am. The Armory never goes totally dark. That would be a disaster, with people tripping on other people's cots and such. There are night lights. Unless I'm dead to the world, which happens :), I need pure darkness for full sleep.

The point of this is, each of us are responsible for taking steps daily to take care of ourselves. For each person, those steps will be different.

More importantly, if you don't take care of yourself, you have nothing to offer anyone else should you choose to do so.

Finally -- it's my belief that a paradigm shift is necessary to light the way into dissolving homelessness and other social ills. Paradigm shifts are brought about one person at a time, showing and illustrating another way to live. I'm one of those people, and I take my advocacy to heart. So ... the challenge of the day for you:

What small step can you act on to take care of yourself today?

You deserve it.

As does everyone around you.

Peace out, mes amis.

What's it like in a shelter? How can they be improved.

2011-01-21T14:53:00.000-08:00

Ya know, Carey asks brilliant questions, I like that in her. This is a soapbox blogpost, and it's a big soapbox, so grab a glass of water or juice, a snack or three of grapes or bananas and sit back and ponder what could be.

In response to the question "I was just wondering if those of you who have been in shelters could explain what your experience is or was like? What could the shelters do to improve the experience in your opinion?" on We Are Visible's FB page, I offer this diatribe:

So you wanna know about shelters. Hmmmm.

What's it like to be in one? How can shelters be improved?

Do you have time for me to write a book?

No? Well, let me see if I can condense some of what goes on.

First, and foremost: You need to know that a shelter is a bandaid not a solution.

I'm gonna use one of the top educator and presenter tools and repeat myself: A shelter is a bandaid *not* a solution.

The same social dynamics going on in your workplaces and social gatherings are going on in shelters.

What it's like to be in a shelter? Here's some of the things I've seen in the last week:

A man (part of a loving couple for many years who is new to the homeless front) had his wedding ring stolen from his finger while he slept in the winter shelter a week ago. Four days ago that same man was accepted into a 60-day emergency shelter while his lady-mate was told to come back the next day to try to get into the 60-day shelter. They both took being separated from each other for even a night badly, and turned away from the 60-day shelter.

The last I saw of them they were trying to stay with another down-and-out-friend rather than risk dealing with another shelter, that was 2 days ago.

I know the emergency shelter they applied to. I don't know the full story on either side, but I *know* the outreach team and the intake team to be genuine, compassionate, and creative problem solvers.

So whatever the reason for my friends grief with the system, it still has them out on the streets.

This morning, a disabled-man who uses a walker or 2 canes to hobble even a few steps had his bicycle stolen. The bicycle was critical to him for transportation outside the shelter, just like my tricycle is life blood to me. It takes two trips to get all his gear outside and no one was there to help him from his usual cadre. On his second trip ... wham, bham, thank you ma'am.

As I was walking outside with my tricycle I asked him how he was. "My bike has been stolen and they won't let me back inside! I don't have a phone..."

As I was digging out my cell phone for him (hoping it had picked up enough charge from the half hour I was able to get at the plug by the DVD screen this morning) with my trike holding open the door, one of the excellent folks from the winter shelter team walked up. I eased the trike out and left them talking.

If you follow the #wearevisible hashtag on Twitter, yesterday you would have seen the picture and short story I took of the emergency response crew taking away the white-haired lady. She's been sicker, longer and more seriously than I was.

None of the officials or volunteers were able to do anything to get her seen by a medical team. It never occurred to me to ask why, however, I was running a recurring fever, so I'll forgive myself for that.

Whatever she has, if it's contagious, there's been over a week and a half of spreading it to 150 folks in the same room.

On the purely humane level she deserves health care simply because she exists.

After two days of talking with her, in tandem with 2 other shelterees talking with her, yesterday morning she let me set in motion a request for an ambulance to get her to a random ER.

I could go on, and on, and on. I haven't even scratched the surface yet of the stories that take place daily in winter shelter.

As well, I haven't even touched the stories here of the people who provide the winter shelter services. There are a multitude of stories, so many.

I had a hissy-fit last night. An unusual outbreak from me, however, I do understand why I had it.

Minutes before I arrived at winter shelter an unaware driver missed hitting me on my tricycle by a mere 18-inches. The reason I didn't get creamed was due to my reflexes and in-grained habits from years of motorcycle riding. Another driver earlier in the morning had also tried to turn into me as I was crossing an entirely different intersection.

I went to get my linens and for the umpteenth-time they couldn't be found.

Volunteer shelterees handle the disbursement and they have rules from the service providers they are required to follow, so most of them do follow those rules.

"You want me to come back in half-an-hour when things have cleared out a bit?"

"Yes," they said.

Back I went. "We still can't find them. Are you sure you turned them in?"

"Yep. I'm sure."

It was finally agreed to give me new linens (not an easy agreement to come to due to the rules). As I walked away with the linens, the bag in question was found. So I traded the brand new, very clean, out of the bag linens for the bag I had the night before.

I took the coveted bag over to my cot, opened it and everything inside it was damp and smelled of urine.

No, I didn't soil them. I can now guess what happened. Many people at winter shelter are incontinent (both urine and fecal matter) and can't always afford their diapers; others puke for whatever reason; others are on substances and just don't get up from bed to take care of their need to use the bathroom; and so on. I obviously got a cot the night before that had residue *soak* in it and it absorbed onto the towel and washcloth I put on the cot first and then the sheet and blanket. Next would have been my sleeping bag.

Let me say, I didn't handle the loss, finding, and discovery of wet linen well. The best I could accomplish at that moment was a few tears and a nod to my friend on the outreach team to act in her capacity to get me some clean linens for the night.

I try not to take advantage of the fact that I speak often with the outreach team and consider them all friends and mentors. This time the best I could do was shuffle my toe on the floor and ask for special treatment to get clean linen.

I went to sleep, immediately, something I do to make certain I don't let outer circumstances get me down when I cannot take action on what is happening around me.

Lo and behold, this morning as I was turning in this batch of linens, an official person of the winter shelter had found my linens from 3 nights past in the distinctive bag I had acquired for them. She's putting both bags in the "R" section for me for tonight. We'll see if either one of them is there to be found this evening.

How can shelters be improved?

I repeat: A shelter is a bandaid not a solution.

I am ever grateful for the three shelters I've had association with. All of them have their brilliances and their flaws--as does every other shelter out there that I've not yet seen or have personal knowledge of.

Shelters are a way for pulling people in out of the dangers of the street. But they are not gonna stem the tide.

Quite frankly, some of the tide have learned how to make the shelter system work for them--without changing their *lifestyle*, while the rest of us scrabbling to get out of shelters and into our own house are suffering because more and more rules come up to deal with the abusers of the shelter system.

Guess who learns to get around the rules? Why, it's those whom the rules are set up to contain.

Again making it harder and harder for those of us who don't intend to be in the winter shelter next year -- to get out NOW.

Once inside a shelter, whether from the structural hierarchy running it, or from the clients who partake, stratum make their appearance.

Notably, the predators and the prey -- in a more physically volatile aspect than in your office, but still the same.

The only difference between us (the homeless) and you (the housed) in this respect is your predators and prey are more heavily masked and seem to appear to get along in standard society. Many of us (the homeless) don't have the necessary set of tools to mask the way our so-called civilized bretheren do so we seem much more socially unacceptable.

Shelters that accept funding from specific sources are limited by those self-same sources. They stand to lose their funds if they violate any of the rules the funders set down. This is a huge thing and hampers actually helping many of the very people they want to help.

Anyone who works in the homelessness arena consider the following thoughts from Roger von Oech on Slaying a Sacred Cow.

I suggest moving beyond shelters -- even though they are needed now and will continue to be until a paradigm shift can be accomplished.

Until we move beyond shelters and address what is actually broken, people and organizations, businesses, and federal entities who donate to shelters: don't put limitations on your donations like:

1) Family Bonds
Families cannot be housed in the same physical location. Men and (women & children) must be put in separate sleeping areas. Men and women with no children must sleep in separate sleeping areas.

AUUUGHHHH! Let's get real folks, there's not going to be any hanky panky. There are people posted at each shelter to prevent that kind of stuff, and they patrol the sleeping areas so ... what's the deal? Why punish the family who has no place to sleep?

Why does a family (whether they are adults with or without children) of hetrosexual, homosexual, or androgynous sexual preferences have to be separated physically from each other in a time when they've lost their home, belongings and most often their friends as well? Why if a couple lives together without a marriage certificate and is over the age of 18 do they have to be physically separated?

Break the box here people.

2) Triage care
Winter shelters are keeping people from dieing right now. It's no pleasure being in one, except for the supreme pleasure of knowing there is a security guard around you and you won't be knifed in the night; and you are out of the elements; and you have a 1-in-50 chance of getting into the restroom if you are a woman, a 1-in-100 chance of getting in if you are a man -- still better than a bush with no toilet paper.

The people who run winter shelters are mostly huge hearted and truly compassionate, making due with little to no funds and sacrificing their time and energy for these 150+ spirits that each one holds.

I would suggest that you large corporations, you folks-of-faith, you folks of any kind with pockets that have a bit of change in them consider contributing so these winter shelters can afford a healthcare triage person on-site.

So many folks are taken out by ambulance (such as myself) as we deteriorate, when a triage type person could suggest the call be made much earlier. Thereby helping to alleviate the spread of so many contagions. It's a bandaid, however, I repeat, A Shelter Is A Bandaid.

Please consider helping winter shelters achieve this possibility.

3) Dumpees.
Hey society? Quite dumping people who have mental and emotional and physical issues on the shelters. Sure you don't want to have to deal with it. But that's no reason to dump folks on the already overburdened shelter system.

It's inhumane. It's sticking your head in the sand pretending to be an ostrich. And, it's another indicator of the "disposable society" syndrome.

A shelter is a bandaid not a solution.

This brings me back to my original suggestion, make a paradigm shift, people. Slay a Sacred Cow

“Creative thinking may simply mean the realization that there’s no particular virtue in doing things the way they’ve always been done.” --Rudolph Flesch

Do you want drama?

2011-01-19T03:04:00.000-08:00

The winter shelter is noisy tonight: snoring (more of an abundance of it than usual), coughing, rustling ... But the noise that concerns me most is the elderly white-haired lady on the cot next to me.

I've been watching her health worsen daily for four to five days now. You may recall, reading a short blurb about her in another post.

Three of us shelterees are very worried about her. She was laying down in the bushes on the side of the building breathing very raggedly as we were queuing up for entry. Rumor had it she had been there all day.

I was concerned enough that I asked the person I know who has the experience and passion to handle this kind of matter to go out and take a look at her, since the other shelteree and I couldn't get her up to get her inside.

As luck would have it, he was outside searching and she wandered in and got the cot next to me while my head was turned.

Do you want drama?

This woman stands a good chance of dying. Soon.

If she doesn't luck into a benefactor who has the compassion, wherewithal, and consistent intent to assist her, I don't give her long for this world. And that's not because she doesn't have spunk, the desire to keep going, and a tenacious grasp.

Her breathing for the last two hours has been bubbly with a sigh-groan and a rasp every few moments. She is tossing and turning trying to find a position she can sleep in.

One of the shelterees, (a woman a few years my senior) planning on hitch-hiking back to Texas after being turned down at a 60-day shelter yesterday -- spent the entire evening hovering over our white-haired friend to try and get her comfortable.

Another shelteree loaned a second blanket to provide the white-haired woman with more warmth.

I'm bad with ages, never could guess anyone's for-love-nor-money. However, I place this woman to be about 20 years older than I. That easily puts her at 76.

Six day old babies and women in their 70's -- these are the faces of homelessness.

Do you want drama?

The white-haired woman needs help. And not just being plunked into an ER room and given meds only to be tossed back out onto the street with 2 bus tokens to wend her way back to winter shelter with.

No, I don't know her other issues. I don't know if she is a substance abuser, mentally challenged, or has any other socially unacceptable symptoms that grow so abundantly in civilized society.

She has spent a life-time on this earth and as a human-being deserves so much more than being in this winter-shelter struggling for her every breath.

I have no one else to turn to but you few who read my tweets and this blog.

The white-haired woman on the cot next to me is one woman of many. We on the streets with her are doing what we can for her.

My challenge to you -- what is there in the world immediately around you that you can apply your passion, awareness, time, and energy to?

Whatever it is, do it now.

Do you want drama? Look around you ... be aware. I guarantee that within 50-feet on the road you are walking you will find drama.

If you truly don't think you will find anything of a dramatic nature -- from pollution to relations -- hire me. I'll gladly point out things to be aware of and donate a portion of what you pay me to the folks I believe are spear-heading viable, compassionate, spirited resolutions.

Good night, mes amis. I am going to try and get a bit more sleep before lights on.

A Rant, plain and simple.

2011-01-16T13:51:00.000-08:00

In response to the We Are Visible question of Has everyone seen the Homelessness in U.S. Report - C-SPAN Video Library on the We Are Visible Facebook page:

Jack Reed spoke cogently, and with heart.

I'm very glad Ebony has found permanent housing and income. I note she did not mention the word "home".

If the issue is homelessness then the resolution is being homed. If the issue is housing then the resolution is housing.

It may seem petty to you, nitpicking a word or phrase. However, look at it from this perspective: Resolving an issue rests in defining it.

That bears repeating: Resolving an issue rests in defining it.

Homelessness is of epidemic proportions. The positive "it could be worse than this spin" I perceive being presented does a dis-service both to those working hard on the issue and those living the issue. As well as those about to join the ranks of "living the issue". More and more folks are becoming homeless daily. Look at those who are using your libraries, your bus systems, those walking your streets.

Would you have read that any differently if I had used the words: "our libraries, our bus systems, those walking our streets"? Do you see me -- a homeless person as part of your "you"? Or am I somehow separate ... different? Less than?

Dare I ask you to use your own eyes, rather than the eyes of those who are trying to collect and report to you on the numbers? Yes, I dare.

No two agencies seem to agree on what homelessness is, much less what causes it. Even as they try to assist we who are without homes (or housing -- as you will) they wind up in conflict with each other.

The accurate or inaccurate count of us is not what is going to resolve the issue of homelessness.

Yes, it will gain monies for the systems that are trying to stem the tide ... and that is a needed bandaid.

However, those systems have not prevailed in the past, nor are they going to prevail in the future without a paradigm shift. It reminds me of the definition of insanity -- doing the same thing over and over, while expecting different results.

You can skew data anyway you want to. I've worked in data information long enough to understand you take a set of numbers, apply the spin or counter-spin you want to it, and voila you have a platform for presenting your agenda.

The implication that things could be better if we have more accurate numbers, bothers the hell out of me. It's a playout of "If only we had _________, we could ___________" Any decent therapist will tell you that's an excuse for not taking action. You work with what you have and make change.

The reason I am being assisted right now is not because of the agencies, it's because one person has introduced me to other people and these individuals have either gotten to know me or see me as a productive person. They, personally, are working their hind ends off to get things done for me, whereas the agencies have been forestalled at every vantage point.

I've been rejected by a womens shelter for temporary housing because of my arm (disabled), my proud admission of seeing the psycho-therapist at a shelter on an on-going basis, and a question of where can I park my tricycle. This rejection stunned even the agency who is doing their best to assist me.

The winter shelter in the local area has accepted me every night with no questions asked, other than to follow their rules while within the confines of the Armory. People facilitating the winter shelter work their fingers to the bone to be humane and helpful.

The reality that brings about change is what works in other venues -- personal interest of each human being involved.

I nearly fell off my chair in disbelief during this report when I found out what is considered severely impacted housing--50% or more of income of low-income households going toward housing expenses.

My goddess! When I was working, I paid 75% to 80% at times of my income toward housing and wondered why I couldn't make it in life. I worked diligently for years, supporting myself now to find out what I thought was normal is looked upon as severely impacted.

This is the first time in my life I've seriously been able to consider spending only 45% of my income for housing. Even finding something at that rate is truly difficult. The going price for a room (not a house or apartment mind you -- but a room) in the city of Los Angeles, California, is $550 and up. A ROOM my friend -- for a single person.

So I ask you, what portion of your income (and I assume many of you have two adult incomes) are you paying for your housing? How long can you go without income before you will lose your housing?

There are many of us - homeless. Many who will not even admit it to themselves at this point, much less to others. The stigma of being homeless is severe. Apparently we are broken. Many of us remain homeless because others see us as broken. We don't fit with someone else's comfortable idea of humanity.

So many are trying to "fix" us.

We are not what is broken.

We (the homeless) are symptoms of what is broken.

I submit this as a rant. I have no resolutions to offer. Rarely do I come from that perspective. However, I guarantee you, I will come up with some creative and efficacious means of resolving how to educate, inform and involve people regarding homelessness

Another Moment in the Life of ....

2011-01-14T15:25:00.000-08:00

I'm looking at my hand-written notes and I *know* they were clear to me this morning, yet right now, they look like the ground a sick chicken clawed at. I know it was imperative I write this morning.

I wish I knew what it was that was so imperative to write.

Well, let's see what comes to mind as I translate the notes that make the most sense.

4:15 am
The elderly woman with the white hair on the cot next to me was coughing her lungs out last night -- right now she is sleeping semi-peacefully.

One cot katy-korner to me is another woman, a girl by my estimation, also coughing her lungs out earlier.

No coincidence that I, too, was coughing myself silly in fits during the night. We must have sounded like a right synchronous rasping section.

We were not the only ones, but we did have the corner on coughing in our two rows. There were lots more rows (at least 14 more).

4:30 am
If I don't stop writing now and get my teeth brushed, I'll lose my opportunity to get into the most usable of the 2 women's bathrooms.

Oops. Too late, there's a line now. So, I'm standing in line, writing in the night light.

A woman just walked out of the restroom on the far left. "It's nasty in there, it's wet all over and the other one is full of urine, so be careful."

I nodded.

Chose the wet bathroom (flooded since there's no real drainage in it -- happens all the time) and dragged a folding chair in with me to set my backpack and my toiletries kit down upon.

5:00am and lights are on
Asked myself, "Why haven't I taken a vid with the Flip of the winter shelter yet? I've been given this great means of recording things and I've not been able to get the personal physical energy up to use it."

Answered myself, "Because my comrades in this winter shelter deserve some privacy and if I film without asking that would be rudely intruding on the private moments we allow each other in this one room, holding 150+ of us."

The winter shelter is our bedroom, living room, bathroom, kitchen and communal area.

I just don't have the energy to ask permission at the moment, all of my energy is going into survival daily, so I forgive myself for not using a great gift (the Flip) yet as I had planned.

Actually, this morning I had a teensy bit of energy and daydreamed about things that could be:

You're housed and feeling under-the-weather. You've wisely chosen to stay home from work and most like you're also spending a lot of time in your bed, shuttling back and forth 'twixt it, the kitchen, and the bathroom.

When a coughing fit comes upon you -- you use the bathroom and wander back to your bed or the couch to lay down.

You utilize the fresh foods you have at your fingertips for appropriate nourishment. You tub soak to get the toxins out of your body through the largest organ you have, your skin, then you shower for as long as you need. Afterwords you step out onto a dry mat, have time to brush your teeth, rinse your mouth and do a bit of energy movement.

In your room, you casually touch base (telephone, e-mail, social media) with whomever you need to let know that you're not at the top of your game so they don't fret and worry.

Abruptly, since I now have to go to the bathroom again, the reverie is broken, and it's back to reality for the moment.

I haven't asked for permission to film anyone in the shelter, however, I can give you a tiny word picture snapshot of it this morning:

A long line to use the womens restrooms and pondering if some folks just grew up in a barn, or where never taught how to clean up after themselves. Plus you carry anything of import with you into the bathroom, even if your cot position is close to the restrooms. There are some less than scrupulous folks here and anything not on your person could disappear if someone isn't watching it.

Rolling up the sheet, pillowcase, blanket, and towel and stuffing them into the plastic bag with my name scrawled on it to turn in at the "Linen Closet" and get back tonight. Putting the pillow in the pillow pile to be handed back out to us tonight.

Breaking down the cot and dragging it over to the palette to be piled on. Yes, I could wait and let someone else do it, but I learn by watching and while I may have a bit of physical difficulty folding the darned little gizmo, I can get it done now -- given time. There is no reason why someone else should have to pick up after me.

Then it's waiting until 7:am, hoping for a bit more warmth as we are all unleashed onto the streets.

I still don't know what I was driven to write this morning, now that I have a moment at my computer, here in the library.

So, I guess this is "Another Moment in the Life of ..." entry. ::grin::

Oh well, so much for literary goals, and I highly recommend to you to smile, you'll never lose the ability even if you are losing teeth like I am. A toothless smile, given freely and with joy is more important than a clenched smile given because it's politically correct.

Go with peace and joy mes amis! And share those smiles!

Congratulations!

2011-01-01T06:29:00.000-08:00

It's the first day of January, 2011 on the Pacific Coast. The weather at this moment is clear with some clouds expected today and cold.

A lot of folks spend time right about now making resolutions. For me resolutions tend to emphasize what was or is wrong. Nothing inherently unbalanced with that. However, as I've done it every year since I knew of the tradition, I'm thinking ... why not try something new?

For 2011, I prefer to use a technique I've learned in group Stress Management sessions on Wellness Wednesdays at the shelter.

"What can I congratulate myself on?"

And while I'm doing that, I invite you to do it for yourself, in addition to whatever tradition you delight in for January 1, 2011.

I have gone from giving away everything (except for my puppets--which a friend still holds for me; and my dearly beloved Champion Juicer--which another friend still holds for me); being homeless, on GR & Food Stamps, and without enough cash to provide anything for myself ...

to ...

...being homeless with SSDI & enough cash to make small provisions for myself.

I congratulate myself for that.

I congratulate myself on having found the best therapist I've ever dealt with (I've dealt with many over my lifetime!) and going every Wednesday to be part of her 2 facilitated groups along with my individual session.

I congratulate myself on being social enough to have found a number of great communities on Twitter and FB.

I congratulate myself on opening my mouth and speaking, even if others don't want to hear what I have to say, or find what I have to say uncomfortable.

I congratulate myself on being self-response-able.

I congratulate myself on protecting myself emotionally, mentally, physically and in spirit.

I congratulate myself for getting up every morning and making it the best day ever, no matter my circumstances.

I congratulate myself for not being perfect.

::grin:: Now it's your turn ... what do you congratulate yourself for? Leave a comment, I want to know! ::large smile::

Happy 2011.

A Day in the Life ....

2010-12-26T06:05:00.000-08:00

Is the place you sleep at night physiologically safe? Pyschologically safe? Emotionally safe?

My wish for you: May it be so.

One of the circumstances that occurs for those of us without homes is having a place to sleep during the pm hours; and wandering the streets during the am hours.

That's not a diss. It's merely a statement of fact.

I am very grateful to the shelters (temporary winter shelters, daily one-night line up shelters, emergency short-term shelters and the other shelters that exist) for their offerings of sleeping facilities.

Most days, you'll see many of us (us = myself and others like me without homes) on the streets, in places where there are a lot of people to blend in with (like Hollywood Blvd), on public transportation, at libraries, in malls, in parks ... or wherever it is you see us.

Yesterday (December 25, 2010) was an exceptional day of the year as many places I go for safety, warmth, and electrical plug-ins were closed.

My feets are tired! ::grin::

It was also an exceptional day, as I had the opportunity to take some photos and movies of where I was on the iPod I was given by www.invisiblepeople.tv / wearevisible.com / @hardlynormal. Therefore today is an exceptional day for you because you get to see the photos (naw, don't go looking for professional shots -- I can barely hold the equipment still!)

The day started out by locking my trusty steed D'Artagnan (a glorious tricycle I use to get me to metro.net rail stations) at a bike rack big enough to hold it safely all day. Nope, no shots of D'Artagnan at this time!

Traveling the rails to a well-used bus-stop, Gilda Radner's *fixed* Hollywood star jumped out at me! How wonderful to see it fixed (shots of what it used to look like a few months ago are on my posterous page--you'll have to scroll down that page to see the original shot).

Imagine my surprise of getting on a random bus (I was heading to 3rd & Fairfax to see what was up in that area) only to find myself face-to-face with an astounding gentleman without a home (David), whom I had met at a Winter Shelter only days before! I had gone to the Winter Shelter to participate in a memorial ritual for the homeless who have died on the streets in the year 2010.

During the short conversation another gentleman, with a gorgeous eagle bolo tie, on the bus introduced himself to me. It wasn't hard to ascertain I am homeless as David (my friend using the Winter Shelter) asked me loudly on the bus if I was homeless.

The eagle bolo tie gentleman (whose name I forgot to ask) pointed the way to a place that was offering free Christmas day dinners to the populace of the area. I have a new-found respect for the Laugh Factory, in Hollywood. I mean, I knew they had supreme talent there-- I'm new enough to the streets, this time around, that I didn't know they served a meal. In fact, as the gentleman pointed out to me they served multiple times during the day. At 1:pm, 3:pm, 5:pm and I think he said 7:pm -- but I could be mistaken on that.

However, it must be well-known to the locals, because that line you see forming (look closely) is at 10:30am and the first dinner was not due to be served until 1:pm.

What a tremendous thing!

The day doesn't end there, however. I had much more time to wander, until dark-thirty became a reality!

Next was a trip to downtown Los Angeles, to find a public restroom I could use. So it was off to Patsaouras Transit Plaza, and one of the grandest moments of my day, the fish! If you look carefully, you'll see the shadow of the child in the reflection of the tank glass. He was rushing up to get a look at the fish, and his head actually pops into one of the frames for a brief moment.

Pausing to sit down for a bit, I found out about the event taking place in Pasadena ... so it was onto the Goldline and over to Central Park. Wow! What a scene! It was HUGE! The park was overflowing with people, volunteers and attendees. I like it!

Union Station Homeless Services was producing their Dinner in the Park. Not only were they serving "wonderful and nutritious holiday meals to those in-need in the community" they were providing a Santa's Village for children to get gifts; resounding music throughout the area; and an unplanned play area for LeafBall throwing.

Now, being the intrepid reporter-on-the-streets ( ::rofl -- I've always wanted to use that phrase, however, I don't think I wanted so much emphasis of "on-the-streets" ::giggle:: ) I needed to stop, rest my feet and sit-a-spell. The Coffee Bean close to the park did the trick. However, trying to get my laptop to function was a half-hour ordeal, and the bless'd little thing apparently was having battery problems as well. I gave up and moved onto my next destination.

Taking a slow moving bus (as opposed to the faster moving Goldline to the Redline) I dwaddled my way over to Hollywood/Highland again. This time to meditate with the dragon. Yes, it is possible to meditate surrounded by myriad folks ... just harder for me than being at Zuma beach at sunrise!

The number of people on the Blvd. area was astounding! It must have been 4:pm-ish and the sidewalks were jam-packed! But I did wander into Grauman's Chinese Center Court to a spot where no people were so I could take my last shots for the day. I adore this dragon.

It grew darker, much colder and it was time to return to the location where I'm sleeping on the floor; giving me the ability to recharge my valiant laptop and put up this diary entry for you to browse through.

May your days be merry and bright ... and may all your dreams come true, each night.

A pleasure to be with you mes amis!

People to Know About in the Homeless Community

2010-12-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

I have never listened to Sirius radio. There are two reasons for that: 1) When I listen to something I devote my full attention to it, or should I say it takes my full attention. Radio, TV, a movie-- if it's not the only thing I'm doing at the time, it's like the static of white noise to me and I have no conscious awareness of it. I'm a firm believer that the multi-tasking craze that has run rampant in our society for decades is detrimental. 2) Sirius costs, and it's not something I have the coin for.

However, thanks to a free week trial download, I was able to participate as a listener; and as a tweeter annoying the heck out of those that follow me by tweeting my enthusiasm for a few of the important conversations that went down on Zo Williams' "The Voice of Reason" broadcast with The Foxxhole.

The show "Homeless for Christmas" broadcast live from The Union Rescue Mission in downtown Los Angeles. Those whom I share the streets with went in to eat and got to see the broadcast as it was taking place. Now that's class. We may be the people of the streets because we have no homes, however, that doesn't make us second-, third-, or fourth-rate citizens.

In order of appearance, Zo Williams; Andy Bales; Joel Blau; Mark Horvath; Tony Rock; Jessica Page Morrell; Jeremiah Johnson; Andrea Richardson; Anthony Ortega; A.J. and Mary Goode; Kevin Sessions; Shareema Williams, and a special mention to Kitty Davis-Walker.

Apologies in advance to anyone's name I didn't spell correctly. ::grin:: It's not intentional. Between my dyslexia, hearing and the rapid flow of information on the show, I may have caught your name incorrectly. Please let me know the correct spelling of any names! (and links for ya!)

Of the myriad topics covered, here are some of the things that stayed with me longest (paraphrased):

What are some of the things that can effect change?

heart change
get rid of the stereotypical myths
regionalize the solutions (housing, bad weather shelters; transitional housing)
facilitate life transformation

The impact on individuals and society?

The trauma of dealing with homelessness
Stats are overwhelming! Single women and families –> homeless numbers are escalating

I feel fortunate to have learned of more service providers during the show, and to have heard some folks who have shared the streets with me. You hear me talk about Mark Horvath (@hardlynormal) all the time, since he's a mentor. Thanks to his loud-mouth (yes, he takes that as a compliment and it's thoroughly how I mean it) I now have the opportunity to widen my communications circle.

If I could give you all what I consider to be one of the most important gifts of any season, it would be the gift of active listening. You can give the gift to yourself. Listening is not agreeing. It is hearing and acknowledging.

Listen to yourself. Listen to those around you. Listen.

And acknowledge those who listen to you, they are giving you a true gift of love.

Glendale Homeless Connect Day 2010

2010-12-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

Photo from
Homeless in LA blog -- if you don't read the
Homeless in LA blog
you should.

Crisis. Overwhelm. How do you define it? How do you handle it?

Let's leave the can of worms of “what is normal” at the door. We hereby agree to let the definition of “normal” sit in the wings for now, we can attend to it later.

“The mass of men lead quiet lives of desperation.” – Henry David Thoreau

Overwhelm. What happens when you are feeling overwhelmed? What happens when others are feeling overwhelmed?

Why should you care? For your health, wealth, and well-being; and for the health, wealth, and well-being of those you choose to care about.

Are you in crisis?

No, it's not a stupid question.

Some people can't tell if they are in a personal crisis.

Go ahead, laugh. Yuk it up. I'll laugh with you, because I've been one of those people who could not verbalize or identify a personal crisis; and most folks who have association with me recognize I am astute and reasonably intelligent.

The inability to define a personal crisis situation can arise from myriad circumstances.

I was responsible in nearly all of my jobs (almost half a decade's worth of work) for identifying and resolving other peoples crises: I did it well. I've always done things for others well.

Thanks to a supremely talented therapist, utilizing EMDR techniques, along with a panoply of eclectic tools, I'm coming to a point where I can recognize when I'm in personal crisis, and find a model of reasonable action (for me) to handle it.

For the therapist alone, I can highly recommend PATHAchieve as a resource for the homeless – once a week they have a therapist come in offering a Stress Management group session, a Parenting group session and individual appointments during the rest of the day.

This has been my saving grace. I would not have found this therapist (and I've been in therapy since I was a tween) if I hadn't become homeless at this moment in time.

That PATHAchieve has one of the preeminent advocates for the homeless on their staff, Mark Horvath (the founder of both WeAreVisible and InvisiblePeopleTV) is the second greatest thing about their crisis services to the homeless.

All you need to do to find out more about them is read through their website. I highly advise you contribute to them – inkind, $$, time, decent wearable clothing, toilet paper, shampoo, socks … whatever you are comfortable affording.

Crisis ranges from personal to cosmic.

It helps for you to know how much you can handle; what your methods for coping with crisis are; your awareness of when you are in crisis; your awareness of when others are in crisis; and your awareness of what you can do, including finding/recommending other resources.

The tools you use to handle a crisis can be assistive or detrimental.

If your particular crisis is homelessness (or someone you know – spread the word), and you are in the Los Angeles County area – do yourself a favor and attend the Glendale Homeless Connect Day 2010.

Yes, I'm homeless. Yes, I'll be there as a person looking at all the services and accepting help from those I connect with.

Yes, I want to see you there and connect with you.

November 15 -- Choice and Awareness

2010-11-15T08:53:00.000-08:00

Dreamcatcher by
Dino Manes David

In everything we have choice.

We always have at least one choice -- "what attitude we want to face our current circumstances with." A second choice we always have is to view each moment in our lives with the perspective of "How do these circumstances help me accomplish my goals?" A third choice is "to live in the moment".

I can hear you grumbling ... but those are not the choices I want. I want love, happiness, health, wealth, good teeth, the purple cloak rather than the beige one, to go to Disneyland, to go to school, to get *this* job, to be healthy ....

Crud happens. The bottom line is:

You are always going to have *something* going on in your life. It may not be something you want. Or, it may be something you want passionately.

*The something* may not be an occasion where you can control the outcome.

Controlling a specific outcome and choice are not the same thing.

Yet, in any instance ... you make choices that affect your life, and in tandem with a ripple effect the lives of all those around you.

Truly heinous episodes can be jarring, emotionally laden, and stultifying.

Is it possible to release the learning we have accrued in viewing a crisis, or being thwarted to being frozen or curtailment? Instead can we use the exigency as a bridge to where we want to be?

By choosing to live in the moment with awareness, yes.

Since this is my birthday, and in the face of all the circumstances I currently have going on (from homelessness, to disability, to general health, on the stultifying side -- to having wonderful mentors and food to eat and the opportunity to write, and a brilliant EMDR therapist, on the joyous side) I choose to use all these things to manifest my goals.

Happy birthday to me and my explorations of what can be. Here at Lost Awareness, I am channeling my focus on Homeless Advocacy. At studio rd I am channeling my focus on what I do well and can do in other areas of advocacy, in providing myself with sources of income, and most importantly, play.

And to you I wish the best of all worlds.

Being homeless an opportunity? Are you serious?

2010-10-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

Being homeless is a huge opportunity for me.

Look beyond the horrific losses I have sustained.

Look beyond the severe physical threat that is constant in homelessness.

Look beyond the denigration, degradation, and social stigma evident in the eyes and bodily postures of regular people on the street; of my comrades-in-arms on the streets; of myriad people (yes, often even those positioned to assist--not all, but many) in the cities and community.

Look beyond ... or, rather ... look within.

Look within.

Of all the possibilities presented to me during this adventure of homelessness, the opportunity to be self-aware has never been more prevalent in my life.

Being the *good child* that I strove to be all my life, I tried to fit my round pegs into the square holes.

"Work hard."
"Finish all the work that is expected of you before you go out to play."
"If you are sick, ignore it--get in there and get your work done."
"Work is not meant to be fun, it's something you have to do to survive."
"Just do it and quit whining about it."

"That's just your imagination, it's not real."
"Quit daydreaming and get something real done."
"Stop lollygagging, you're wasting time."
"Don't just sit there do something."
"Quit being so rambunctious, just shut up and sit down."
"Stop being so strange, don't be different--no one will respect you."

I would never have had the courage to walk away from the 40 to 105 hour work weeks I've put in the way I have been.

A good girl works hard and ignores her body, mind, and spirit. She will be rewarded later.

Bulltwinkies.

When I was young -- even before the current trend of working 80+ hour weeks was the norm for mere survival -- I worked 103 hours a week.

Did you do the math?

Did the question of, "Hey! How can you physically work 2 2/3 full-time jobs at once?" surface?

The answer is I couldn't. I only kept it up for about 6 weeks.

In today's vernacular, "Epic Fail"

I had a waitress job from 10pm to 6am. I was a cashier at a parking lot from 6:am to 2:pm and I can't remember what the third part-time position was.

That time is a blur in my mind.

I had it set up so my days off on each full-time job were different. That meant one day I would either leave one job a tiny bit early or arrive at one job a bit late. It also afforded me 2 days when I had the luxury of sleeping 7 hours, the other days I slept 4 hours.

It was a whirlwind.

And there was no money to be saved. I was paying for the apartment my boyfriend and I were living in. I was paying for the food, gas (cooking and heating), the electricity, the water, the taxi and bus to get to job to job and back 'home'.

No, my boyfriend didn't work. I don't remember why.

I worked, ate, slept and did them all disturbed. It was not an affluent time ... I was constantly in fear of how I was going to pay the next bill.

That led to the second episode of street-living in my life. Because I couldn't get all the bills paid.

But, I kept going back and trying again.

In my lifetime I've been a food-service worker (numerous times) and clerical (from filing to executive assistant -- those are the jobs I taught myself typing for and then taught myself about computers and learned computers from others around me).

I've been a tow-truck driver and dispatcher -- in a time when there were very few females in the field.

I've been a tour-guide for a demonstration kids farm.

I've been a fund-raiser and development consultant.

I've organized events and have been a paid storyteller.

With all the paid gigs, I've also volunteered, in animal rescue; as a docent for nature education organizations; and as a face-painter and storyteller.

And through it all, I've continued to try and fit my round pegs into the square holes.

Without this homelessness and concommitant loss of everything I've ever owned, I would never have walked away from trying to fit.

I would have continued denying myself.

I am a dreamer. A creative. A researching wonder. A person who can see and feel energy in ways that are not acknowledged by the metaphysic commodity world view. An adventurer. An explorer. An asker of "why?".

I've called myself a misfit all my life.

Being homeless is a huge opportunity for me ...

I choose to advocate transformation from the metaphysic commodity world view to the metaphysic sacred life world view (yes, there will be a post defining these terms).

I'm not a misfit. I have a voice. I accept myself. I make a difference.

Here's to you ... and the opportunities you have.

What does your awareness mean?

2010-10-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

What does your awareness mean?

To you?

To others?

To your community?

To your environment?

You may never have empirical knowledge of what it means.

You can, however, have an inner *knowing* which is equally, if not more valid.

What does just one action of yours accomplish?

Whether you see it or not, it has a ripple effect that touches more than one second of life on planet Earth.

One smile, one word, one gift, one action.

The ripple effect is astounding.

"I am creating this blog entry on the notes application of an iPod touch at 4:53am in the dark of a temporary homeless shelter."

One simple sentence, yet if you examine only a few layers of its meaning you'd have nothing less than a book from sheer volume of words.

You make a difference.

You may not believe it at this moment in time. In fact, you may even be thinking "Phllbbfftt! The action I'm taking is such a small thing it's not even worth acknowledging."

You would be wrong.

I'm not going to tell you *what* to act on.

I am going to tell you to trust yourself and to engage.

*Engage* is a buzzword today, so let me give you another phrase from one of my heroes, "Make it so."

Thank you Mark Horvath (aka: @hardlynormal, invisiblepeople.tv, WeAreVisible.com) and the bevy of communicators with which you bowl. This blog post is because of you, and your actions.

Everyone reading this ... what does *your* awareness mean? It means the difference of a lifetime -- it's magic, never believe it's not so.

Are you ready to act -- Now?

2010-10-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

One observer calls it draconian (Neil Donovan).

Another observer calls it 'rats in lab experiment'. (Tina Moore)

A third observer at huffingtonpost.com wrote "New York Study Leaves 200 Struggling Families To Fend For Themselves As Experiment"

I've been able to read tweets from at least 4 of my cohorts who believe in, use and advocate the use of WeAreVisible.com. Reprehensible was the mildest word amongst us.

If the perpetrators want factual data on a homebase model I can recommend they speak to people already using such models -- people such as Joel John Roberts and all the people at PATH, amongst others.

The last conversation I had on Twitter with folks I've met through WeAreVisible.com, was me asking "Is there something we can do?"

We weren't sure.

Now, I pro-offer this and take action upon it myself. It's true, I haven't yet successfully found a home for myself, and I've done all I can at this moment in time. So for this moment in time, for follow up in future moments I'm planning this, as well -- after all, I'm not the only one in the homeless milieu:

1) Each one of us who has a blog, please put your opinion and request for action from your readers and followers into a current blog post, prior to the upcoming WorldWide Homeless Day Events on 10/10/10.

1a) Please share the link to your blog post with all your social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, digg, -- in short the entire social media milieu)

2) Please share the link to each of the three observational stories I mentioned at the start of this post, at least once today in your Twitterverse with a request to others to do the same, and use the #wearevisible tag in your tweet to join those of us taking action on this in one voice.

3) On 10/10/10 World Homeless Day especially, but any day this month, please post on all your social media your wish and intent to achieve change and make a difference in Homeless Issues. If you have a Facebook Account, please like and post on the World Homeless Day FB page (and visit their webpage: www.worldhomelessday.org)

4) Put your creativity caps on and come up with more ways we can act on this!

I have more to say on this issue and will be doing so in another post or three this weekend, and I will have researched more action steps you can take.

You are important. What you do is important.

You can choose to take an action.

Will you do it now?

So, who is it that is homeless?

2010-09-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

Well, boy howdy! Let me tell ya!

In the temporary shelter that social media helped me find ... and I take the opportunity to say it's one of the best shelters around. I know this because those in the homeless situation share stories verbally ::nod, nod:: ...

There are approximately 40 people.

One demographical break down is Familes/Individuals:

6 families, (3 head of households are women, 2 head of households are married couples, 1 head of household is a man) That's 5 women and 3 men and 6 girls and 5 boys. Total of 19 people.
Individuals (who may or may not have families "on the outside") That's 8 women and 13 men. Total of 21 people

Another demographical bite is Working/Non-Working (now do be aware this is probably a low estimate, because I haven't been rude enough to ask everyone if they work or not, this is from observation and overheard snatches of conversation):

Children - not expected to be working: 11
Those adults that are already working: 6 to 8
Those able to actively look for work and are doing so: 7 or so
Those infirm or otherwise on GR: 5
Those I'm not certain of: 4 or 5

Not your favorite demographics? Here try this one: Cars/No cars

8 to 12 have a vehicle
28-ish are on foot

What cultures do we represent? Again, I'm not so rude as to enquire, this is from observation only and could be way off. About an even mixture of:

White
Black
Latino

Ages represented? We run the entire gamut:

1 breast-feeding infant
3 very young toddlers
4 mid-toddlers
2 grade school (young)
5 mid-school to jr. high/high school
a host of folks between 21 and 40
a handful of folks between 40 and 60
an elderly person whose age I cannot determine.

No one is allowed into this particular shelter if they cannot pass a urine drug/alcohol test, which is administered before you're allowed in.

The people in this shelter are offered 2 meals a day: 1) breakfast (usually cheerios or cornflakes and coffee or milk, unless there is something brought in by a guest chef) from 6:am to 6:45am; 2) dinner -- provided only by guest chefs (donors who come in and give their time, money, and food) from 6:pm to 8:pm nightly.

These guest chefs are venerable and deserving of praise and commendation.

Imagine 28 to 31 different organizations/groups a month coming in to provide real food and drink for 40 people -- a different group or organization each night.

Imagine the person and persons who coordinate this huge and imperative operation from the shelter.

Imagine this being the main meal of the day for most of the shelterees.

We have people who love watching sports, and folks who don't like sports at all. We have religious and non-religious. We have people who caretake animals and people who don't. We have people who read, people who use computers, people looking for ways to produce income, people who have passions. We have two people who have done computer help desk call-center work, I know, because I've traded war stories with the other person.

Why, we even have people who can still dress well and whom you might have difficulty recognizing as homeless if you saw them on the street.

What do you have in common with each one of us?

You breathe.
You exist.
You have passions.
You eat, drink and sleep.
You are human.

What else do you have in common with us?

Most of you are 2 paychecks (or less) away from being homeless.

I want to change that. I have some ideas. I'll see you in my next post.

Tale ... Take One

2010-09-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

Director, Producer, here’s the scene to put on the screen:

An individual, in yesterday’s clothes, teeth unbrushed, and disheveled is now heading toward a bus stop; possibly looking mildly (but not emergency center ) ill.

Watcher, Observer:

What are your first thoughts and reactions to this verbal picture? Be totally honest, because you’re the only one who will know your answers.

Director, Producer:

Pan to the plastic bag the individual has hooked over a brace on the left arm. Slowly track down to the backpack on wheels being drawn along the sidewalk

Tracking back up, bring into focus the material six-pack cooler slung over the individual’s shoulder and resting at about hip height.

It’s Sunday. The scene takes place at 6:55am on an industrial/commercial business corner of the city. It’s not cold, however, the individual seems to have a taken a chill.

Watcher, Observer:

Have your thoughts and reactions changed, remained the same, or zoned out?

Director, Producer:

Fade out on the bags and dissolve to the upper arms and hand of the individual. Very small blistering and skin discoloration are visible on the underneath of the upper arms and on the right hand.

Bring the nose into the picture to catch the chapped, red, and apparent runny-ness of the proboscis. Zoom into the area of the eyes, be sure to pick up the watering, and slight crusting.

Flash the image so it is now from the individual’s eyes to what they are seeing.

Watcher, Observer:

What is the facial expression on your face this individual is now seeing? What are your thoughts and reactions as you observe this individual?

Whatever your thoughts and reactions to the verbal image presented are, you don’t have to share. However, keep them in mind for me for a bit longer.

Backstory:

The individual being described to you is homeless, staying in a temporary shelter during the nights. The items in the backpack include as many things as possible to deal with allergic/sensitivity symptoms that are vacillating from mild to moderately severe.

The symptoms are not severe enough for the individual to go to the emergency room (a huge expense to the tax-payers), yet are distinct enough that the individual needs to lay down, rest, and have access to fresh water and a restroom.

The collapsible cloth-made six-pack cooler is what the individual uses for a lunch bag.

The shelter has to have its clients out of the building, as there is no one at the facility on the weekends during the daytime. So the individual cannot stay there during Sunday in the daylight hours.

Watcher, Observer:

Have your thoughts and reactions changed in any way? Just keep track, your answers are for you, not me, and not the rest of the world.

Backstory [continued]:

Lest you draw the wrong impression, the shelter is a fine one. Filled with caring and humane people. The fact that it has hours when it is closed and no official is in the facility is simply a mix of time, fiscal reality, and human manpower. Every place and every human (including service workers) needs to have respite time.

The individual is marking time looking for a place to be. To have a restroom nearby (and be safe) until 1:pm when most public libraries open on Sundays, so that the person can then be in a building. While in that building to have 1 hour computer time and then wend their way back for when the shelter opens.

During the 6 hours that need to be whiled away, the individual, goes to two stores to purchase items that are now needed to combat the allergic/sensitivity physiological symptoms.

Watcher, Observer:

Note any differences in your thoughts and reactions now.

Backstory {final}:

The individual is me.

During my stops today:

I have given directions to 3 sets of tourists (at 3 different bus stops) because 2 walked up and asked; one couple looked like they needed them so I offered, offer accepted.
I have complimented a bus driver verbally because he is an artist at his job. He took the time to show concern and respect for his patrons as they boarded and exited – the elderly (female and male); the young; those of color; those not of color; those able and those disabled. I also took the time to get his bus id# and his sleeve badge id# and will be sending a huge “atta-boy” to the MTA folks when it’s my turn on the internet computer in a few moments.
I have had 6 people, from the physically bedraggled to the possibly mentally bedraggled ilk, speak to me during the day, wanting to be heard. I’ve listened and chosen to respond to them. They smiled or thanked me during our conversation, even if it was not particularly coherent.
I have traveled through 5 cities.
I’m still as sick as I was this morning, yet I have directly made an impact in the lives of at least 12 people whom I’ll never see, and most probably would not even recognize again.

Watcher, Observer:

Have your thoughts and reactions changed any now?

Now, come back to this written blog.

Be not stressed one way or another by your answers.

However, I’ll ask you to keep this in mind as you go throughout your days …

Due to your perceptual filters how you interpret what you observe affects your reactions. Reacting is letting the circumstance act on you.

If you choose to be aware, you can also choose to respond. Responding is you acting on the circumstance.

Make a difference, for yourself. Act on the circumstance. By doing so, you’ll make a difference for others.

Trust me. It’s so.

Photo by: Andy
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

Exercise and rehabilitation -- Paying it forward.

2010-09-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

No clue where this photo came from
and I cannot find it on the web
now, if you know, share, so I can
give credit.
Peace Rocks!

I have been told that I run into more than my share of odd/strange people. Par for the course, as I am odd and strange among other things.

One elderly man, with filthy clothes, a difficult gait, and a penchant toward chaotic speech (by that I mean, each sentence he uttered didn’t necessarily follow the other) sat directly next to me on the bus bench a week or three ago.

He talked of a number of things, to someone that wasn’t there, and then he turned his attention to me. Noticing the brace I wear on my left hand/wrist/forearm, he greeted me as if he’d known me forever and was delighted to have come across me again in his life. (No, we have never met that I am aware of.)

Then, squinching up his face, as if making a herculean effort, he began a conversation about my arm. Striking his chest to try and remember what he wanted to tell me, he uttered conversation from which I was able to pick up a few phrases – “go to the website. … I can’t remember … it’s long … what is it … look for University of Ohio … a / and a very long phrase … exercise and rehabilitation …”

Then the bus came that I needed.

With a huge smile, (something I don’t do very often because it shows off the front tooth that I no longer have due to the periodontal distress of extremely aggravated gingivitis. No, public health doesn’t replace teeth, so I’m told by the mental health worker who interviewed me at DPSS) I thanked him and went on my way.

I’ve had occasion to look up the site, and it’s not only valuable for me, I believe it’s valuable for others as well.

So, to you, from one elderly man, with filthy clothes, a difficult gait, and a penchant toward chaotic speech, I met at the bus stop – Pay It Forward:

Ohio University - Exercise and rehabilitation recommendations
http://medicalcenter.osu.edu/patientcare/patient_education/pages/index.aspx?topic=55

Permission

2010-09-12T18:01:00.001-07:00

Pete Egoscue dedicated a book The Egoscue Method of Health Through Motion: "to all those people who knew what was wrong with them, but were told they did not; to all those people who knew what to do about it, but were told they could not; and to all those people who tried to tell someone, but were told they should not."

We've been told through-out our lifetimes we must have permission.

Why?

Permission to go outside, stand, sit, play, work, express, believe, speak, think, create, do, be, exist, ____________ <-- (insert your verb here).

When we were littler, permission came from an outside source. And in most cases it had a purpose -- to help us survive physiologically until we could develop our own perceptual filter and exercise choice.

As we grew, we learned to ask why.

If those around us had unclouded filters, they answered those whys coherently leading you to your next step of growth -- learning to give ourselves permission.

(Also known as self-responsibility.)

If those around us had clouded filters, or they didn't know the "whys" themselves, they answered incoherently in ways leading you to keep depending on outside sources for permission ... society, groups, institutions, dieties, _________ <-- (insert the noun of your choice).

(Also known as abdication of self-responsibility.)

This is not a concept for sissies. It takes courage to examine. And, it takes courage to act on.

"Few people in this world know what their real strength is. Many see only the part of their power that floats like the visible segment of an iceberg and forget the vastly greater part sunk beneath the surface of the water." (Thank you Koichi Tohei for verbalizing that in a way I couldn't yet come up with!)

It's okay for you to understand and nurture yourself. It's okay for you to listen to your body. It's okay for you to listen to your mind. It's okay for you to listen to your spirit.

It's okay for you to be responsible for your self and/or Self.

Start asking why.

To everything.

A Mission

2010-09-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

I am on a mission.. Nope, I'm not Dan Akroyd--Blues Bros--nor am I religious ... nevertheless, hear it with all the fervor and passion as it was said in the flick!

The quest I am on is one of awareness and expression.

Most of us have been taught to stifle our expression. That's one reason, why advocates are in such high demand.

It's not just one "cause" that needs advocacy in our time -- and our time is "Now".

The patterns that are evidenced in one cause (such as homelessness [edit note: well the homemessness was valid as well, thanks 'typo' on the phone .. but it's changed to the word I actually meant now], or animal rescue, or in health and welfare) are visible in other causes as well.

It's a bold statement, and if it catches your intrigue, or ires you, I recommend you read my next post.

Opportunity is what you deem it to be

2010-09-01T02:21:00.000-07:00

Doing things differently, experimenting, exploring and the desire to feel safe and secure--those are core needs of mine. Until this moment in time, I was unable to perceive I could bring them to fruition. It can be done, and in my next posts, I'll be sharing ways touse. Why my next posts? (snort) Because I haven't mastered the methodologies of posting from a tinky cell phone keyboard!

Of MRI's and other ethereal things

2010-08-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

This entry is past-dated. {grin} It takes me longer to write and put an entry in than the 1-hour I have at a public library, and I'm not yet used to writing in small pieces ... I may yet gain a new skill!

For those of you who wanted information on the status of my arm/hand(s) -- the MRI was ... inconclusive.

I quote the doctor interpreting it: "The MRI is inconclusive. However, it's going to take months and months and months to get you neurological testing."

My response? Looking the doctor directly in his eyes I firmly said, "Are you telling me you are not going to order the neurological testing because it's going to take months and months and months for an appointment for me?"

The doctor said, "Well, it's going to take a long time."

I waited for a bit, while we looked at each other. It may have only been a few seconds, yet it felt like hours.

Finally, with my strong, courageous voice, in even tones, brooking no exception, I replied, "I want the neurological testing done."

The doctor looked at me, shrugged a kind of head nod, which I took to be a yes.

At which point the doctor made a note in my electronic medical records and told me I should watch the mail for the appointment like I had to do for the MRI.

I'm not certain how long months and months and months is ... but we'll find out, eh?

The first thing that occurred to me was -- why do I have to be adamant, extremely assertive and very nearly aggressively forceful to get the danged neurological testing set up? Isn't that something that the doctor would recommend, considering the arm is hindering my life, lifestyle, income and general well-being? Why is "it'll take months and months and months to get the appointment" a factor in whether or not to order the testing?

However, I can share with you, if you are on GR, and using a free clinic, check with them to find out if you can have more than one clinic visit scheduled in a month's time. I was surprised to find out that I'm limited to one visit at the clinic a month.

How Do We End Homelessness and Is It Even Possible?

2010-08-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

This is a response to HG's blog post on ending Homelessness

That’s going to depend on what someone’s definition of homelessness is.

Homelessness is a global issue. How deep are you and I willing to go to find the “cause” of homelessness?

Is homelessness found predominantly in industrial societies? Is it also happening in tribal societies (which in my mind are usually smaller, and not focused on “money” as the means of income)?

Is homelessness: The street people? The poor? The destitute? The addicted (pick your element of addiction)? The panhandlers? The mentally challenged? The physically challenged? The emotionally challenged? The spirit (no, I’m not talking about religion or religious beliefs) challenged? A mix of any from column A, B, and C?

Does ending homelessness mean: No more people on the street? No more people couch surfing? No more people in socially defined unhabitable places (and if so, which society makes the definition)?

Having a home is a multitude of things … it’s not just having the space to “be”; it’s having the ways and means to find, maintain, and provide the constructive growth of space to “be”.

Having a home is not just having a safe space to sleep; it’s about believing you have a right to be in the world.

I believe homelessness can be ended with educating both the homed and the homeless in awareness, self-esteem, acknowledgment, validation, and self-worth.

More and more people are becoming homeless … whether they fit the stereo-typical image of homelessness or not.

The core beliefs of the society — what we teach each other — is what needs to be changed to end homelessness.

A paradigm shift, if you will.

Elsewise, homelessness will not end, it will merely transform and be represented in differing ways.

Sheena Iyengar on the art of choosing (a TED talk)

2010-08-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

Ran across this today ... how do you feel about this perspective?

Sheena Iyengar on The Art of Choosing.

And if you consider it a good choice -- TED (Ideas worth spreading)

And here's an image that I choose to look at today because it symbolizes choice to me!

Image by Micky.!
Creative Commons - Attribution 2.0

Oh to have creative and artistic talent!

2010-07-31T00:29:00.000-07:00

What a joy! If I had this type of creativity and talent in spoken word storytelling or in frame drumming ... Wowsers!

Adele Enersen and Milia's Daydreams -- Copyright credit

Choices, always choices

2010-07-30T06:52:00.000-07:00

Internet for this moment ... whoo-hoo! (and internet for the edits near the bottom of the article on the 31st. Spiffy!)

To be or not to be, that is the question ... {grin}

Well more to the point, to carry or not to carry, that is the question.

We always have choice, sometimes the primary choice and the alternative choices are not particularly to our liking. But we always have choice.

2000 people had to evacuate their homes due to California Wildfires ... they had to make choices of what to take or not, if they even had time to make the choices.

The guy who loaned me his muscle on the 26th lives in Palmdale. Hope he's all right.

Question:

If you could only take with you from everything you have in life, one backpack's worth of stuff ... what would it be?

My reason for making those choices is not the same as those who had to evacuate due to the fire -- but it boils down to the same thing. What would you take with you?

My choices and why I made them:

The sleeping bag? Nope, not going to fit in the backpack.

Besides, if I cannot get into a 1-night shelter each night, my chances of coming through unscathed by actually putting a sleeping bag down on the street somewhere are not high. I don't know the streets that well anymore, not even where the safest places may or may not be.

Scratch one sleeping bag, it goes to Out of the Closet.

The notebook that holds all the paperwork I have for SSI and DPSS. Yeah, that has to go in it. Hmm, let's see here, will my official acknowledgement of graduation from the local Junior College fit? Will I need it? Is it worth saving the money of getting a duplicate, should I need to prove said AA degree? Let's stuff it in with the SSI and DPSS paperwork in the notebook, if I take it out of it's holder, it's only a small piece of paper.

Toiletries, bandaids, shampoo, camping soap that is supposed to suds up really well with only a little water -- egad! Look how much room all that stuff takes up! Phew! Well, at least it does include a small camping towel and wash cloth. Okay, we'll stuff it in. A small box of 3 TravelJohn!'s too. Gotta be civilized!

The 6 pictures I pulled out of the photo albums and my certified copy of birth ... can I get 'em into the SSI/DPSS notebook?

Bleargh ... that cellphone, it's prepaid with 60 minutes of airtime. I don't like cellphones, but the only way to reach my DPSS worker is via a telephone call between 10:30 and 12:30 Monday through Friday ... walk-ins are not accepted, the best you can see is a lobby worker. Okay, stuff and wedge!

Can I fit 3 t-shirts in there? 3 pairs of underwear, 3 pairs of socks and a second pair of sneakers? Doubtful on the sneakers. Gonna have to stick with the orthotic pair that I've hoarded. An extra pair of slacks, if you roll 'em up and tuck right ... there! Okay. That's a tight fight, but better two pairs of slacks, that way you can hand wash or hopefully the shelter will have a laundry facility. Can't wash 'em if you don't have anything else to wear.

The laptop someone gave me to use while still in the house (that I still have to pay them $100 for)? Nope, too heavy, it's an old one and just not gonna be feasible to carry. Maybe I can wipe it in time and give it back and ease off *that* debt!

And badda-bing, badda-bang .. that's it, there's no more room.

I'd rather carry a book that has stories I want to learn to tell, notes on stories I was preparing, and a book that I've read and re-read scores of times because I feel great when I read it. Because those are my life, not the other paperwork.

My reality is I have no interest in carrying documentation that shows I graduated with an AA, or the copy of my birth certificate or the paperwork that I have to carry to show folks at SSI and DPSS that I am ernest.

After all, the A.A. has never gotten me a job ... on that score, I kept getting told, a B.A. is what's being looked for. I do often note to myself that I wish I hadn't sacrificed the time and built up debt to get the A.A. because when I was younger I chose to believe the rhetoric that higher education was necessary for a job. If I'd gotten a B.A. then I would have been told that I needed a Master's. That too, in my experience is a screening out process..

The fact that I'm even considering choosing to carry paperwork to show SSI and DPSS that I'm ernest? Pffftt. What difference is it going to make? They don't even file my paperwork on time, so I give up what makes my heart sing to lug paperwork onto the street with me?

When it comes down to it on Monday night as I make my final choices about what goes into my backpack, for Tuesday morning to begin my interaction with the first emergency shelter? Will I go with what is necessary for my heart or what my logic dictates I should carry to try and deal with the people within DPSS and SSI?

If there was a fire threatening your home, what would you take with you and why, other than your breathing body?

I truly do want to read your choices. Please take a moment to comment on what is important to you and why.

We always have choice. Don't give your power away. Your exercise of choice is power.

For Homeless Services, One Size Does Not Fit All - by Mattie Lord

2010-07-27T04:05:00.000-07:00

At this unexpected moment of still having internet service I have read an article I wish I wrote.

Please read it. Mattie Lord has written cogently, with heart, and with awareness.

For Homeless Services, One Size Does Not Fit All
http://www.povertyinsights.org/2010/07/27/for-homeless-services-one-size-does-not-fit-all/#more-2099

As a person who is definitely one of the square pegs trying to be stuffed into a round hole; and as a person who has consistently been screened out, I avidly ask you to spread this to everyone you know.

It'll take you 30 seconds to a minute and a half to put it up on your blog, send out e-mails, or post to your fav social networks with the link and a genuine request to those you know to read it.

Whether you or those you know respond with action for homelessness or another issue near and dear to your heart, you will have helped me fulfill my goal ... to get the word out; to rally people to make a difference in their life and world; and, to be actively listened to.

I urge you to urge those you know to consider a paradigm shift. I cannot tell you how uplifting it was to hear (okay read) another person on the internet use the same term I've been using -- paradigm. It was like finding a kindred soul..

Peace out mes amis. I anticipate this to be the last post for at least a week and a half as I move out into the world of 1-night emergency shelters and the "street life"; while still waiting for SSI to take physical action on determining my case.

Pay It Forward -- Feel good?

2010-07-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

A discussion ensued yesterday, as three of us (myself, a friend offering muscle to help schlepp and a new friend who was the recipient of goods) moved items from my ownership to another home.

Image by manitou2121, Creative Commons Attribution 2.0

"What kind of world would it be if everyone actually lived by the concept of pay it forward?" was one of the comments we discussed during the physical work.

The Pay It Forward phrase is often linked with another, "think globally, act locally" or "act locally, impact globally".

As well, there is a third phrase bandied about that is related, "random act of kindness". (472,000 hits on a google search, in case you were wondering).

Each action we take may have only a brief moment of visibility to others. That does not give it any more or less perceived importance.

So, too, not achieving on the first few attempts gives it neither more nor less significance of import. As Edison has become well-known for saying ... "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." I like a lot of things Edison is supposed to have said -- not all, but a great many. So, here's a pay it backward: Thank you Edison for expressing some things I've felt inept at expressing!

Looking for Pay it Forward concepts alive in today's blogosphere?

Here's a current blog post on paying it forward that I find some sense of kin with: 4 Ways to "Pay it Forward" with Social Media

I personally felt resonance with the chick who operates cheaptherapy.net and her Pay it Forward yearly grant. You have until December 15, 2010 to apply for her 14th Pay It Forward grant.

This tale, too, I liked: Pay it forward: Kids chip in to help the community.

The gentleman who was offering his muscle to help me schlepp things yesterday knows from past association with me that I don't believe any act is selfless. We as humans don't do anything without having our self and our reward in mind. You do things for the benefit it gives you, whether that benefit is something you perceive to be monetary, emotional, mental, spirit, physical, or psychological in nature.

Photo by Steve Beger Photography
Creative Commons Attribution 2.0

If you get a warm fuzzy feeling, or otherwise feel good about yourself for doing something, you are getting a benefit (i.e., a reward).

I also propose that it's okay for us to be aware that doing something for the reward, and to do things for reward, is not inherently a bad thing.

The things that detract from valuable benefit are greed, other misguided fears, and lack of awareness.

Greed is a fear of not having, or not having enough. Lack of awareness is a way we try to protect ourselves from the many fears we have.

Is the Pay it Forward, Act of Kindness culture viable?

For me, yes. The fact that I believe in the concept does not make me a good person or a bad person. Nor does it give me any change in stature. Nor will it do those things for you.

Do I benefit from it? Absolutely. Is the benefit real? Tangible? Intangible? I felt good getting some of the stuff of my dreams in others hands. Hands who may be able, in turn, to get them into use in the tangible world.

Did it get me a place to live? Or an income? (both urgent physical needs)

Nope. Those are both valuable benefits as well, and I don't shirk my efforts in obtaining them.

However the moments yesterday had no less significance because my top two priorities were not immediately addressed.

Examine the concepts of Pay it Forward and Random Acts of Kindness. Whether you choose to agree or disagree, the act of examination elevates your self awareness and I consider that a good thing.

The point of this post since often times I'm abstruse? The reward most often sought is to love ourself. It's okay to love yourself. It's okay to hold yourself in your own arms.

I feel good.

Exist

2010-07-24T02:35:00.000-07:00

"And finally, above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art…" – Felix Gonzalez-Torres

This quote comes from another's blog.

That's one of the cool things blogs do ... they give you a chance to find things you resonate with.

So .. here's the blog I found the quote at:

Searching for Normalcy (What I Would Tell Her*)

Of course, that's also the link to the post I found most uplifting to read. There are senses beyond the 5 our society puts forth. My sense with this post was one of resonance -- I resonate with the phrase "value yourself".

Here's an article from Wikipedia on the artist who made the quote.

Here's another blog moment on the man who made the quote.

And a third blog moment on the man who made the quote.

No, I can't really say I resonate with Mr. Gonzalez-Torres' art .. but I do resonate with what he said -- which in itself is a work of art.

I don't know who to attribute these photos to,
if you do, please let me know
so I can put it here!

Personally, when it comes to art, I love Topo Gigio. Topo was the first person I ever had a crush on (along with Lamb Chop).

I was little, not even tall enough to have my head over the back of my grandfather's rocker-lounge he sat in to watch tv at night. So I would sneak behind his chair (it offered excellent cover from being seen) and peek out around the bottom of it at the tv whenever I heard Topo's voice.

I was supposed to be in bed and asleep, but on Sunday nights, at 8:something o'clock I knew there was a possibility of Topo saying, "..... goo'night, Eddy". I lived for those moments back then.

Of course, other things came into my existence as I grew, all of which had some value. For me, as I look back, Topo Gigio was a work of art. I value those moments of laughter when I heard little Topo's voice. It took a long time for me to realize Topo was a puppet. Perhaps that explains my affinity for puppets still.

Now ... take a moment to be aware of yourself.

Oh go ahead ... what is the minute -- 60 seconds where you release awareness of everything else other than yourself -- going to cost you? 60 seconds.

What do you value in you?

Another DPSS tale

2010-07-23T15:21:00.000-07:00

Back with DPSS .... again

In regards to the most recent Notice of Termination I talked about in an earlier post about two days ago...

The Notice of Termination demanded 7 things. All of which should have been dealt with in my early June meeting with my caseworker. All of which were part of paperwork we went over in the hour-long face-to-face visit.

I haven't been able to reach my caseworker on the telephone since the day I received the Notice. So I put together the paperwork for all 7 demands and walked the package into my DPSS office, where I asked to see a lobby worker.

The lobby worker took a look at the items and said, "she should have handled this before."

The *she* being referred to is my caseworker. This verbally reinforced my own assessment that my caseworker is not handling my situation adequately. (For whatever reason ... be it her own ideology, her caseload, her work methodology, some other circumstance she may be having ... or something I haven't the foresight to think of ... for whatever reason ... she is handling the case ineptly and I believe her other cases as well.)

Why, you might ask, am I putting this into my blog? Because I've got no other place to keep it. You don't carry sheaves of paper around with you when you are dealing with emergency shelters, street people and being on the street.

Some of the homeless people are okay. Some are not okay and will steal anything not nailed down or carried on your person. Some will go so far as to try and take things off your person if they think they can get away with it.

That's true for the non-homeless as well.

Living on the streets, being homeless, is by no means "safe". Not even in a shelter situation; not from what I'm being told and not from what I've seen in the past.

I doubt any good Samaritan is going to make the time to prepare a legal case trying to fight what I see is going on here.

Why not?

The system is huge, it employs a tremendous number of people, and
lawyers are out to make money.

Even lawyers and law firms that take pro bono cases take them based on what winning the case will do for the firm resolving it. I've sold a lot of things in my time, however, I don't have much faith in my successfully convincing a law team that my observations of the DPSS system could make their bottom line increase.

What will they get out of it publicity wise; how will it enhance their ability to sell themselves to paid clients? There's always a bottom line at a law office. I've worked in small, medium and international law firms -- for over 8 years. For the price that the top law firms charge per-hour, anywhere from $300 (a paralegal) to $950 or more per hour for a principal lawyer -- they are into meeting their bottom line.

Though I doubt that anyone is going to take on the DPSS system and the injustices it is inflicting on the people it's supposed to assist, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop keeping track of what I can ... what I'm seeing them do with me.

I believe that what is done to one person is done to another. And for now, the only way I can keep track of what happens is to log it into this blog.

So ... this is part of my record for today.

Value

2010-07-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

I just threw away my photo album that had any pictures of me (and others) in it.

I can't carry stuff like a photo album with me, much less the books that meant everything to me, or the drums that were spirit inspiring, or the computer that has been attached to my hands since computers hit the scene, or the juicer and other kitchen appliances I use to eat with. Along with that, gone is the ability to get my left hand to actually use some of these things.

Dino Manes David, a dream catcher

The picture gracing this blog entry is of a most wondrous life artist, Dino Manes David -- not someone I knew personally, but someone whose talent I admired. The dream catcher she is holding in her hand (note the teardrop inside as opposed to the usually seen circular ones) is a craft I've tried to duplicate or find a way of duplicating. However, she took the knowledge of it with her to her spiritual world. Personally, I've always felt a sense of loss at not being able to create such beautiful art/spirit pieces.

The 5 things I kept from the now gone photo album were:

a photo of me with my first two teeth;

a photo of me with Taffy, the dog that was the love in my life during my formative first 6 years;

a certified copy of my birth record;

a black and white photo of either Taffy as a puppy or Chinkie, the other pekinese that was my maternal grandmother's, the absolute first dog I ever knew in the world -- since it's a black and white photo of an odd size, I'm guessing it's Chinkie; and,

two identical photos of me at birth (one given begrudgingly to me by my maternal grandparents in my teens and one, joyously framed and given to me by my biological father after I met him,for the first time, sometime in my 30's). Apparently both sides of my biological family were given the same photo. Interesting.

Everything other picture (proof of some event) is gone.

Some people lose things because of death. Some people lose things because of disasters like fire, flood, earthquake. Some people lose things because of war, strife and violence. Some people lose things because they misplace them. Some people lose things because someone else steals the thing. Some people lose things because they may be unable to function within the parameters of the societal paradigm they are engaged in. Some people feel loss because they feel they can have no effect upon the world or their life.

Loss is everywhere. So what is it really?

Is it the loss that is important, or how we look at it?

Loss is loss. People may try to tell you one loss is more important than another. I don't believe that. It's a judgement value and the importance of a loss depends on where you perceive yourself in relation to what you place value on.

I believe if you've lost something whether it's a beloved person; or a beloved item imbued with the spirit of your life; or a part of your body; or a part of your mind; or a part of your spirit -- it holds importance.

Grieve for it and recognize your grief.

You are important, therefore what you value is important.

When some one or some thing we value is no longer, does that mean other things have no value?

It can be easy to fall into that pattern. When you've lost the most important aspect (person or thing or reason) of your life -- no matter what you conceive that to be, it's very easy to fall into the pattern that nothing else has value.

Where do you go from there?

There's no concrete answer, just like using a computer -- there are many ways of doing the same thing or getting to the goal.

The only advice I have for you, is the same I have for myself --> pick something to value if you don't already have something to value, focus on it, be in the moment, be aware, and take action.

None of us will be able to do the same amount. None of us will move at the same speed. None of us value the same things equally.

Know that you have value. Act on that value.

Act on your dreams.

Value yourself.

In life there needs to be fun ... Raymond Crowe

2010-07-22T12:19:00.000-07:00

I have admired this man's talent since I first saw his Hand Shadows, I don't know how long ago. If asked what I'd want to be when I grow up ... now 55 years after I could have first been asked the question, I would happily answer ... an unusualist.

Raymond Crowe <-- visit his website -- it's fun.

A Wonderful World

The Christmas Bunny

Look at Poverty Insights

2010-07-22T06:27:00.000-07:00

I highly recommend this website for those who want to learn about the Homeless situation. I just came across it today

Poverty Insights

Those taking action in 100,000 Homes Means 100,000 Stories was uplifting. In particular read the articles by Joel John Roberts

This is an important link for those drawn to taking action on the homelessness issue: 100,000 Homes .

From page 17 of 100khomes Playbook:

it can take as long as 9 months to process a housing application in some communities. Onerous paperwork requirements, inspection and approval processes to establish eligibility for housing create significant delays

Anywhere But Here: Hi

2010-07-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

Have time for an interesting read?

Anywhere But Here: Hi

You may note that her blog began in December of 2008 and is still ongoing as of this month (July 2010).

There is a survival strategy some of the homeless are using to obtain monies I've seen it twice now on blogs I come across. You can see it in use on her site (look at the donation button on the blog).

ABC news pointed an article at her blog Campbell teen blogs about homelessness (actually an article and 2 videos, along with a video by NBC, a Mercury News article and a Cypress Times article - as listed in links on the Anywhere But Here website).

What are your thoughts?

I strongly urge you, no matter what "issue" is close to your heart to take 5 minutes and consider taking some small action for whatever that issue is ... it doesn't have to be an earth-shattering action, simply an action. And then, follow up with another small action the next day, and the next and the .... Well, okay if that seems daunting, stay with one action ... you can make a difference.

In other words, be an activist.

The Strawberry

2010-07-21T23:44:00.000-07:00

Image by chefranden, Creative Commons Attribution

I find it very difficult to enjoy the strawberry at the moment.

Appreciating the strawberry is a choice and not always the easiest choice for me to make, although I keep practicing it.

The actual zen tale, if you're unfamiliar with it:

A zen monk walks in the wilderness. Turning a corner the monk encounters a vicious tiger.

Choosing to run and live, the monk comes to the edge of the cliff with the tiger immediately behind.

Choosing to grab a vine with both hands, the monk starts climbing down the face of the cliff.

Halfway down, the monk looks up, seeing the tiger at the top, baring it's teeth and fangs, clawing the earth. Looking down the monk sees another tiger at the bottom, punctuating its wait with a roar or three.

The monk is caught between the two, dangling in mid-air on the vine, halfway down the cliff.

As if the monk didn't have enough to worry about, two mice, one white and one black, creep out of their den a little ways above, starting to chew on the vine.

At that moment the monk notices a plump, ripe, juicy wild strawberry growing out of the side of the cliff, within reaching distance.

Choosing to hold onto the vine with one hand, the monk's other hand reaches out, plucking the strawberry.

Plop! The strawberry is put into the monk's mouth.

Ahhhh! What a sweet, delicious, aromatic strawberry!

The conversation with DPSS today was so unbelievably uninformative and depressing I am having trouble chronicling it here.

The highlights were the gentleman telling me,

"Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do that is preventative. We can't do anything about the fact that you are going to be homeless in 14 days. You have to be in a shelter for some time for us to be able to do anything, and even then, we can only help those chronically homeless, those who have been homeless for 13 years or more. That's all our programs do."

So I asked him, "well then who can help?"

His response was a mumble. I asked him to speak up. He said, "Well go to the City of Los Angeles."

I returned, "Who in the city of Los Angeles? Where in the city of Los Angeles? Can you give me a name? An organization name? A telephone number? An address? A website?"

After three minutes of my playing a broken record at him, "Los Angeles is a big city, you're not giving me any information to follow up on, please give me a name, an address, an organization name, something that I can follow up on. Telling me to go to the City of Los Angeles is akin to not giving me any information at all."

Finally, he said, "Go to the internet and type in The City of Los Angeles, then type in Housing Program, then type in Section 8 Program".

That was the best I could get out of him.

So, I ask you ... what do you get if you follow those instructions? If you google, do you get something definitive? Please share with me if you do, because I'm not infallible, and I may simply not be understanding how to put his instructions together. I'd appreciate your comments.

Am I being a nimnull here? I've resolved issues for computer users for nearly 3 years at my last job. In previous jobs, I was always a service provider -- solving problems, getting things done, meeting heavy, hectic deadlines -- I would have been fired for offering such a vague solution to someone who was my client or a user I was assisting.

To top that off, yet another Notice of Action came in the mail this afternoon indicating my caseworker did not have me sign all the right spots of the paperwork when she and I met in her office in early June.

Along with those 5 pieces of paper, she is also asking me to sign and date a form that says I'm being registered for work so I can keep my foodstamps. A little form known as PA 1865 (Rev. 2/01), when I've already given her papers indicating my left arm is unusable that I've applied to SSI for federal disability.

Plus for some reason, even though it wasn't an issue that I had a car that wasn't working when I applied and received GR a year ago, for this annual review, apparently my caseworker has to submit that the same non-working car was stolen from me a few months ago, which I happened to mention to her and now she needs the police report for that.

I'm stymied, astounded, and having the dickens of a time choosing to focus on being in the moment.

Today's tiger at the top of the cliff, being homeless and on the streets with nothing but a bag on my back and health issues in 14 days.

Today's tiger at the bottom of the cliff, nutritional needs for particular foods (and to keep particular foods out of my system so I don't get sicker) and a non-usuable left hand.

The black and white mice -- continual notices of termination action from DPSS that present one trauma after another in trying to maintain food stamps and $221 a month to subsist on, while I attempt to gain some means of income and a place to be.

The strawberry ... hard to discern at the moment.

Reading this? It's about Homelessness

2010-07-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

Homelessness.

What to do, what to know ...

It's not the first time for me. I have hope it's the last time. Over the course of the last 8 years (maybe more) I've been semi-homeless or actually homeless a number of times.

The only oddity most folks might find is that I have an A.A. degree; am well-read (or used to be); am Caucasian; am female; about to be 56; used to be able to work at well paying jobs; and can write - most times, eruditely. Be advised, I'm not certain if this web-log entry will be eruditely or even provocatively written. But read on!

To keep off the streets, I have house-sat; animal sat; and one time even managed to find work while living in space that didn't have toilet facilities, heating or cooling, with siphoned electricity -- though I paid rent for it and finally got thrown out of because the folks in the front house reported it to the authorities. I've also worked and rented space from legitimate property owners twice in the last four years, the first time for 1 year, and the time now coming to an end for about 2 years.

Five to six years ago, I was in an emergency-shelter (not one of my pleasant experiences), for one-night, and wound up in an associate's living room from what I call sheer luck, until I was gifted with a long-term house-sitting situation.

So the fact that I've been dealing since January of this year (2010) with DPSS trying to find housing before I wind up on the streets on August 3 is not new -- except for the fact that I was asking for help from the DPSS.

Perhaps I should say, DPSS finds it an oddity apparently ... but then, there are a lot of folks that didn't use to be DPSS recipients prior to the economic downturn in early 2009.

So now you know a little bit about me. Read on for the truly important information.

I've pulled together some links you may want to know about if Homelessness is close to you, or someone you know. It's taken me some time to find them, and for that I feel chagrined, because my internet research skills are very good. (There's no ego in my family, I have it all! :)

I'm soon to lose my internet connection and land line (along with my room) so I want to get these online now, while I have the opportunity.

Make a difference. Pass this information onto folks if you feel awareness of, or a connection with, the people who face the situation called Homelessness.

Invisible people (an interesting v-log to peruse through)
http://invisiblepeople.tv/blog
http://invisiblepeople.tv/blog/about/
http://invisiblepeople.tv/blog/invisible-people-homeless-road-trip/

End Homelessness
http://homelessness.change.org/

David Henderson's (a writer) thoughts on Homelessness (I particularly like his story on "Social Networks Risk Client Privacy, Please Retweet")
http://homelessness.change.org/blog?author_id=460

Snapshot of Homelessness
http://www.endhomelessness.org/section/about_homelessness/snapshot_of_homelessness

The Wordsmith's Forge - Myths about Homelessness (a conversation amongst bloggers and writers espousing a number of views)
http://www.blogcatalog.com/search/frame?term=homelessness&id=67626ff40f045891eddea7929b438cef

The Mckinney-Vento Homeless Assistance Act (apparent Legal definitions of Homelessness for Public Services agencies to use in defining their actions taken)
http://www.hudhre.info/documents/HomelessAssistanceActAmendedbyHEARTH.pdf

U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (I personally haven't found this to be to helpful -- it's part of what I call *The System* in other posts, but if it helps you or those you know ... Huzzah!)
http://www.hudhre.info/index.cfm?do=viewLookingAssistance

Image of question mark by Stefan Boudy, used with Creative Commons license of Attribution.

The Foods We Eat

2010-07-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

In tandem with my earlier post, and as I go through the process of sorting the books I'm giving away, the ones listed in this post are close to my heart.

I recommend them to you, and you to them.

Know that I don't hold with everything every book says. However each of them has value. Check them out, see if any of them can assist you in making a difference in your life.

ani's raw food kitchen, Easy, Delectable Living Foods Recipes
by Ani Phyo, Executive Chef and Cofounder, SmartMonkey Foods

Power Juices Super Drinks, Quick, Delicious Recipes to Prevent and Rverse Disease
by Steve Meyerowitz

Dining in the Raw, Groundbreaking Natural Cuisine That Combines the Techniques of Macrobiotic, Vegan, Allergy-Free, and Raw Food Disciplines
by Rita Roman

Digestive Wellness
by Elizabeth Lipski, M.S., C.C.N.

Foods That Heal, A guide to understanding and Using the Healing Powers of Natural Foods
by Dr. Bernard Jensen

The Findhorn Family Cookbook
by Kay Lynne Sherman

A Celebration of Wellness, An easy to use vegetarian cookbook
by James Levin, M.D. and Natalie Cederquist

Food Sensitivities & Feeling Lost

2010-07-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

Red Harvester Ant photo by jurvetson
used with Creative Commons Attribution 2.0

As an advocate of making a difference, I'm stymied. For myself.

What action can you take when you feel you can't make a difference?

Most folks place their utmost faith in the medical system (since I'm a westerner, know that my meaning is the United States medical system). A system I am at odds with.

Here's a flow of some of my supposedly way-out-there beliefs that most of my acquaintances don't understand: We are inextricably effected by what we ingest. The food we eat and the liquids we drink heavily effect what we feel; sense; and the health and balance of our bodily systems. What we eat and drink on a daily basis effects the clarity of our senses, the clarity of our mind and thoughts, and many of the symptoms we find in our bodies.

Let me state from the gitgo, that I also believe your body functions in the same way mine does, perhaps to a greater or lesser degree. We are inculcated to eat pre-packaged foods and to eat fast-foods partially because we've created so much going on in our lives we think we have no time to focus on our nourishment

For instance, for two weeks (until the 16th) I had been ingesting:

fresh juices (juiced myself),
fresh fruits -- food processed so I could ingest them (chewing for me has been a huge difficulty),
raw flax meal (that I grind thanks to a handy-dandy little machine I picked up ages ago),
cooked rice,
cooked potatoes,
soy protein,
and other mildly steamed or baked vegetables.
No packaged foods, no canned foods, no salt, no refined sugar, no gluten and no dairy.
No meat, chicken, fish
Increased use of olive oil and coconut oil

In that time I had:

picked up nearly twice the physical energy I've had in many, many years,
realized less congestion and physical symptoms of congestion in my ears, nose, lungs,
lessened the crusting of material around my eyes,
lessening of the nearly constant mild periorbital edema below my left eye (edema, dropsy, hydropsy), which has been so severe at points in my life that it spread to both eyes and for 7 years in a row required courses of prednisone
lessening of tightness in my lungs and the ability to take deep breaths easily and with comfort,

Now 3 days later and having resorted to one fast food restaurant purchase (one day); 2 cans of cannellini beans (that had 7% salt listed in their portions) one day (a second day); and 2 frozen food items yesterday from Trader Joe's (each that had 10% salt listed -- along with other ingredients that I kept track of) --

my periorbital edema has returned,
my mental clarity had dimmed,
waking up with morning headaches has returned,
nasal catarrh has returned
tight lungs and slightly more labored breathing has returned,
the feeling of congestion in my ears and between them has returned,
and a serious decrease of energy has returned.

That's a very slight usage of packaged and fast foods, yet it's a very significant increase of illness symptoms in my body. And it was unexpected, I thought I would have more time before the symptoms -- came back, so to speak.

I took in those foods, for psychological reasons. I needed some comfort foods, my stress levels are quite high and I truly didn't believe I would get these symptoms back so quickly.

The medical system of my society has, when I was young, used so much penicillin on me that now I react allergically to it (along with a host of other drugs whose names I cannot now remember).

I have been unable to convince normal medical practitioners the issues within my body -- and that's when I was working and had insurance to cover their fees.

I did have results with a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, and a physical therapist -- whose fees I was able to cover with my flexible spending plan (again when I was able to work).

And now, being on GR which leads to the heavy use of free clinics, it's nearly impossible to have a conversation with the medical personnel I do manage to see. Much less manage to get their attention to focus on something that doesn't fit within their paradigm.

Much less trying to convince GR and other agencies to assist me with some kind of housing rather than requiring I give up all my belongings other than what I can carry in a bag so I can begin using their emergency one-night shelters to get in a long line for transitional housing. (Try lugging a Champion Juicer all over creation with one good hand -- they're heavy buggers. ::grin::)

I have what people call food sensitivities, not defined by our medical system as allergies. I don't fit the western medical paradigm. I apparently believe weird things.

And at the moment there seems to be nothing I can do to alter things.

So there you have it ... a description of a situation I face where I lapse into feelings of "I can't make a difference". For each of us the situation may vary. It could be the death of a love, a work situation, a health situation, a small situation, a large situation, a mental situation, an emotional situation, or a situation of spirit.

As an advocate of making a difference, I'm stymied. For myself. What action can I take when I feel I can't make a difference?

I still don't know in this particular situation.

One of the actions I'm taking is writing this. It's an action. It's something I've focused on.

An action I'm taking is to stop for a minute and deepen my breathing and ask myself the question "How can I use this to achieve my goals?"

Don't have the answer yet ... sometimes that happens.

Looking for something in which your actions make a difference?

2010-07-17T02:01:00.000-07:00

There are tons of things in which you can make your voice heard.

It doesn't take much research on the internet to find so many organizations you become overloaded by the sheer need in the world.

No matter what condition you are in, your voice counts.

So .. just in case you're caught in that overwhelm and are seeking a fine organization to take action with, consider:

Voice for the Animals.

I've always belived fund raising to be awareness raising. And I've done a lot of it (fundraising and awareness raising that is) -- my heart is mostly into ecological and animal causes.

Billy the Elephant is a good cause in my heart. If you don't have money, but feel it's a good cause, volunteer your time. If you're one of the lucky ones who have a bit of coin, here's an event you might want to attend:

The point of this post? No matter what condition you are in, your voice counts. Your actions count. Bring your focus to something. Make a difference.

Homelessness -- what can you do?

2010-07-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

I was taking a break from my current situation (giving up the last of all my belongings; meditating to stay sane in an insane world; and wondering if there's ever truly going to be a time when I will be and do the things I dream of) watching The Sacred Blacksmith, an anime series on hulu.

Yes -- those from any walk of life with whatever disaster they are facing need time away from it, time to simply chill. So if you are facing something that is grievous, remember to take that time for yourself.

Do not deny yourself that time. (Now off my soapbox onto my reason for writing at this moment.)

If you visit hulu.com you know they run commercials (10 seconds to a bit longer) in their offerings.

Anyway, the commercial they ran was for this:

National Coalition for the Homeless

So ... if you are involved with homelessness -- from any aspect ... know of that possible resource.

Know also from my experience, I was aware that my homelessness was impending and have tried for months to find assistance.

The heinous-ness of the situation is: each agency I've approached has told me I cannot be helped unless I am already homeless, with no walls to protect me, no food to eat, and no where to go.

The hope that is expressed about prevention at this website is not something I can share with you.

But if the site gives something to try to you or a point to start some kind of action, whether you are the:

... one who is homeless
... the friend or acquaintance of someone who is homeless, and you feel helpless and don't believe you can do anything to help
... person working in *the system* who feels overwhelmed and helpless

then use it.

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A Day in the Life ....

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Are you ready to act -- Now?

So, *who* is it that is homeless?

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So, who is it that is homeless?